


Veritas omnia vincit

by Fengniao



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 08:56:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 31,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11376873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fengniao/pseuds/Fengniao
Summary: (Y/N) Dok - sister of commander Nile Dok is too curious for her own good. She wants to discover everything there is about the world she is living in. Will her place in military help her in reaching her goal?Attack On Titan X Reader(Erwin X Reader)





	1. Chapter 1

A/N This story will follow the manga and anime - beware the spoilers :)

 

  _“Squad leader Dok?“_ The voice of my assistant snapped me back to the reality.

 

 _“Yes?”_   I said, my (e/c) still fixed on the centre of the room in which we were standing. Just moments ago, I witnessed the trial of non-other than Eren Yeager. Humanity´s new wonder boy. Survey corps sure pulled one hell of a show to snatch him into their “care-take”.

 

_“Ma'am.. we should go, almost everyone already left.”_

 

I looked around. _Damn, she was right._ I probably spaced out, thinking too hard about everything that happened in recent weeks. Without any other words spoken, I left the room with her at my heels. Outside the building I noticed my brother standing and talking with a bunch of other military officials. As soon as he noticed me he gave them a salute and strode to my side.

 

 _“So? What do you think?”_ He asked, curious.

 

I looked over my shoulder to my assistant and decided it would be best not to include her in this conversation so I just simply said:

 

 _“You can wait for me at the HQ, please prepare all the paperwork that needs to be submitted today.”_   With that, she turned around and walked away, leaving me and my brother alone.

 

_“What I think? You know very well what I think my dear brother… I´m always telling you that there are certainly many things that are kept from us. We can´t even start to comprehend the situation we are in right now. But whoever is pulling the strings, I don´t think that they knew about the boy… but I might be wrong. That´s why I can´t support your decision to kill him off. He is the best chance I had ever encountered.”_

 

I sighed. It has already been four years since I started my carrier in the Military police. During my training, I placed no. 5 in my class which landed me a safe spot in the wall Sheena as a part of MP. The fact that my big brother is now commander Nile Dok also might have played to my advantage. I wasn´t always keen on choosing MP, but my brother was strongly against me joining Survey corps, which was the other option I considered back then. The reason why I joined the military was rather naïve. I just wanted to find the answers. During our childhood, no one ever exactly told us about the history of humanity. No one knew why titans keep attacking us, where they come from, where we came from... I hoped that by climbing the power ladder in MP I would eventually come across some answers. Someone must know something and I was pretty sure that THAT someone isn´t living in poverty inside of the wall Rose or risking his life beyond the walls. But he is most definitely living inside of the wall Sheena, manipulating everything from behind the curtains. So, I decided to move close to military higher-ups, close to the royal family, but to my big disappointment, the only thing that I discovered in past years was the fact that apparently, no one knows anything and military and the whole government is too corrupt, too focused on their own shitty comfortable lives, to care about anything else then their well-being.

 

 _“…And you absolutely ignore the fact that he can cause a civil war? We are not children anymore (Y/N). You should consider the fact that there might not be anything to know about our heritage. Instead of always dreaming about some dark secrets lying in the past you should focus on the present. You are living now, you should act like it.”_ My brother said and chuckled.

 

_“You know me well. I just don´t like being kept in a dark. I always KNEW that there is more to know about our world. The only problem is that this knowledge is still hidden from us. But the fact that THAT kid can turn himself into a titan changes the game entirely.”_

 

 _“What do you mean by that?”_ His chuckle now slowly fading from his face.

 

 _“This is the first time we actually came across something. Something that might provide some answers at least. I also think that shit is about to go down soon. Whoever might know something will be forced to come forward and deal with the situation. The boy might even be a threat to them. He is the one that can possibly help me find the truth... And I refuse to miss this opportunity.”_ I said quite determined.

 

 _“(Y/N) what are you thinking about? What do you want to do?”_ Nile´s chuckle was now completely gone, replaced by a worried look.

 

He always knew that his sister wasn´t really happy with an easy, dull life inside the walls. She always had tons of questions. Some of them could be even considered dangerous. Nile still remembers the story about father of one of his close friends. Erwin’s father also had many questions and even some theoretical answers. And just this conjectures cost him his life. Fortunately, his little sister was immensely paranoid. He was the only person she would ever confide in. Still… he was worried sick about her. He did not want to see her get hurt and since he persuaded her to give up on Survey corps, for a brief moment he thought his worries might end there. Boy, was he wrong.

 

 _“I don´t know yet... I must think about it. How about we go drinking? Maybe tomorrow? If Marie allows it?”_  I smirked.

 

My brother’s wife was perfect for him. Beautiful, caring… I understand that he doesn´t want to poke any hornet's nest. He gave up his dream to be in a Survey corps for her and I also suspected that he sometimes closes his eyes to the corruption just to keep his family safe. Me on the other hand… I have nothing to lose. Although I was 8 years younger than my brother I wasn´t some youngling anymore. All of my friends were married. Some of them even started a family. My relationships were all total catastrophe, so I came to a realisation that I´m not a family type person and I cast that idea aside completely.

 

 _“Deal. Tomorrow at 8? I hope Marie will loosen up my leash a little bit. Same place as always.”_ With that, at least, his worried look faded slightly.

 

 _“Roger that.”_ I waved at him and started to walk back to the HQ.

 

\--Time skip-- (Back in the office)

 

Papers…papers everywhere. I sometimes thought how is it possible that there are still trees inside the walls. Didn´t we already cut all of them down to make mountains of useless reports and other meaningless notes? Fortunately, I was quite skilled in this. So, as I sat down behind the table a ran my hand through my (h/c) (h/l) hair. At least during this monotone activity, I can think about my future.

 

\--Time skip-- (Tomorrow, evening)

 

I was already sitting at the bar when I saw my brother in the doorframe of our favourite pub. I waved my hand to gain his attention and gestured him towards the place I was sitting.

 

 _“Hey (Y/N)! You already started drinking? Without me?”_ Nile said as he got comfortable on the chair next to me.

 

 _"Just a head start. Besides, the last time it was me who had to escort your drunk-ass back home. So, you still owe me for that.”_  I winked at him with a chuckle.

 

 _“That was a special occasion! It was my bachelor party, I was supposed to be drunk!”_ He retorted back, pretending to feel hurt by my comment.

 

 _“Yes, of course. But I hoped that some of your friends will help me get you back home. That was my mistake… even your eyebrow friend wasn´t able to walk.”_ I just loved to tease him with stories from his bachelor party. _“Speaking of the eyebrow friend. I suppose you are still on good terms with him...right?”_ I decided that it would be best to go straight to the business.

 

 _“Erwin? Yes, for a past few years we grew a little bit apart, but I still consider him as one of my closest friends. We might have a different point of view on many situations, but he is a good guy...Of course, since he is a commander of Survey corps now, he retired from the drinking league. Why do you ask? Do you want me to set you up with him?”_ He asked with a smirk on his face, one of his eyebrows raised.

 

_“If you want to play matchmaker so badly I would like you to match me with the Survey Corps. Talk to Erwin and get me transferred.”_


	2. Calling in Favors

He still wasn´t sure how he ended up in the Survey corp´s HQ. He always knew, that his sister is a rather persuasive person, but he can´t support her in her suicidal mission… _so what the hell was he doing here?_ Dissatisfied noise passed his lips as he looked from the window in a hallway in front of Erwin´s office. Young cadets were sparing with each other under the watchful (and pretty intimidating) glare of corporal Levi Ackerman. He did not like him at all but Erwin was convinced that humanity needs this little man. Rustling noise emitting from Erwin´s office forced him to turn his gaze back to the wooden door which now swiftly opened. A person with glasses and high ponytail barged from the room with a dissatisfied look and ran the opposite direction not even sparing a glance in his direction. _Was that Hange?_ He wasn´t sure.

 

 _“Nile?”_ Erwin peeked from the doorframe.

 

 _“Hi, Eyebrows... I mean commander Eyebrows.”_ Nile chuckled slightly. He always makes fun of this prominent feature of his.

 

 _“You came only to make fun of me? MPs sure have a lot of a free time.”_ Erwin frowned a little bit.

 

_“No, no, no… I came to collect some old debts. Remember? During our training years, a small incident happened and you promised me your firstborn son for providing my assistance back then. Well, since that is not going to happen anytime soon I thought of another favour you can help me with.”_

 

Erwin looked a little bit confused but gestured his friend inside of his office. Nile sat on one of the chairs in front of the desk and waited for Erwin to be seated too. But even after that, the room stayed silent. Erwin examined the facial expression of his friend and grew a little bit uneasy. Nile furrowed his brows, lips pressed into a thin line. After that, he sighed.

 

 _“Do you remember my sister Erwin?”_ He finally asked.

 

 _“Yes… the (H/C) lady, (Y/N) was the name? I think I saw her three or four times. Why? Did something happen to her? Is she okay?”_ Erwin inquired.

He was quite used to the suffering and death around him, but he did not want his friend to experience the same.

 

 _“She is okay. She joined the military and now serves as one of the squad leaders in wall Sheena.”_ Nile quickly dismissed Erwin´s assumption that something happened to his sister, ... not yet anyway.

 

 _“Really? Well… good for her I guess. Nowhere would be safer. But what is the favour then?”_ The blond commander looked at his friend, confused.

 

_“She wants to transfer here to Survey corps. Since she needs my approval as her commander and also your approval she made me come here and persuade you to agree with it.”_

 

Moment of silence followed.

 

_“I´m so sorry Nile, but this is a military. You can´t dance as your sister whistles. Why so suddenly? She had a chance to choose the branch at the end of her training. She should stick with whatever she chose back then.”_

_“She wants the transfer because of the titan boy. Her biggest obsession is truth and she thinks that this titan shifter might help her to uncover it. And believe me, I only say this to you because I know, I can trust you. (Y/N) has the same drive as your father had. She wants to know everything no matter the cost. She thinks that by sticking with Survey corps she would be able to finally find what she has been looking for many years now. Although her paranoia prevents anyone from suspecting anything I fear she eventually will make a mistake and that would be her end. I know we might not see an eye to eye in the Eren´s case, but my sister doesn´t share my opinion on the situation, her priorities are different from mine..”_ Nile exclaimed, crossing his arms.

 

 _“I see… How old is she? Does she have any family of her own? You know that this job is not the safe Nile. Her training was quite a long time ago too, she might have become a little bit rusty during her time in the interior. How about her stats?”_ Even more, questions formed in the head of Survey corps commander, but he decided to let Nile speak.

 

_“She is eight years my junior. No family beside me. I already tried to get her together with every eligible bachelor inside the wall Sheena. But nothing really lasted, so I pretty much gave up on the idea of having some nieces and nephews. She ranked as fifth best in her class. She sometimes is hot-headed but in serious situations, she tends to stay absolutely calm. Her hand to hand combat is somewhat sufficient but her 3DMG skills are on point. That’s why her plan originally was to join Survey corps.”_

 

 _“What stopped her? From joining Survey corps?”_ Erwin asked.

 

 _“I did. I talked her out of it. I thought she would be safer inside the walls. Also, I would have to worry yet about another person. And frankly, I always wanted to avoid a possibility where one of my best friends passes me a bloodied cloak of my sister with some stupid words of condolences.”_ Nile did not try to conceal the fact that he does not approve of his sister’s decision.

 

_“You know that I also consider you as one of my best friends Nile. So that’s why I will tell you this - no sugar coating. With Eren, we are preparing quite a bold expedition. I don´t think survival rate will be high. Chances that MP like her will survive? Maybe 10%? You must also understand one thing. I won´t be able to babysit your little sister back out there. I have many subordinates to keep alive and I can´t focus on just one V.I.P. ...or favour her life over someone else´s.”_

 

Erwin watched as his friend paled when he made the survival rate assumption. Of course, they need every soul willing to condemn itself to the hell which was waiting outside the walls, but at the same time, he did not want to see his friend broken over the death of his sister. He also might not want to see the change in his friend´s eyes. Look that would hold him responsible for (Y/N)´s death.

 

Nile clenched armrest of his chair. _“I know. But this is what she wants to do with her life. And if she stays in Sheena… there is a possibility that she would end up as your dad. I can tell her that you want to talk to her first and maybe try out her skills. How about that?”_

 

_“Fine, that sounds fair.”_

 

Still, Erwin was not 100% sold on this idea.

 

 _“So… Eyebrows? Where do you stash all of your alcohol? I still have an hour or two.”_ Nile tried to look relaxed but Erwin soon realized that his smile is not completely genuine.


	3. Battle with shrimp

I was pacing around my brother’s office. It had been almost 6 hours since he left to talk with Survey corps commander. I plopped on the sofa under the window and stared at the door hoping that if I imagine my brother he would somehow materialise in front of me. How was I surprised when doors suddenly flew open, only to reveal Nile with slightly ruffled hair and crumpled jacket.

 

 _“What took you so long? I´m waiting here forever!” I stood up. “Wait… are you drunk?”_ I asked with a suspicious look.

 

 _“Just a little bit.”_ Was the only answer a got from him.

 

 _“Well if this is how Survey corps rolls I already regret spending 4 years here,”_ I said jokingly, helping my brother to his seat. _“Now… tell me everything.”_

 

_“Erwin did not give me a final decision. He also wants to talk to you and test your skills. You might be out of a shape kiddo… or should I say, grandma?”_

 

 _“If I am a grandma, what are you? Fossil fuelled by bourbon maybe?”_ I taunted back.

I was expecting them to insist on some sort of test. My 3DMG skills were - according to my humble opinion - great… but hand to hand combat was never really my thing. During inner evaluation of my skills, Nile stood up and poured himself a glass of water. His hand with glass stopped mid-air and he looked at me.

 

 _“There is also one condition. You won´t be able to start at the same position as you have here. You will lose your status as a squad leader and be demoted to a cadet.”_ He watched carefully for my reaction.

 

 _“It probably can´t be helped. It will suck… but that’s what I want, right?”_ As soon as this question escaped my lips I knew that was a bad choice of words.

 

_“YOU have to know what you want. But if you have any doubts, please, ditch this insane idea. Erwin told me, that your chance of surviving the first expedition is around 10%. I know math was never your favourite subject, but you know that this is not a very peachy prospect.”_

Nile saw one more chance to persuade me to give up on the Survey Corps for the second time and he took it. Of course, I would be lying if I say that I´m not scared of titans. Hell, I am. But from my point of view, I have exactly two options. To stay in the wall Sheena with MP. My carrier would be most definitely very successful one. I made quite a few powerful acquittances, my own brother held a position of the commander. But besides work, what else can interior offer me? Nothing, I would eventually die of boredom. Or someone would finally catch me snooping around things I should not concern myself with and after that my body would be found somewhere in the underground. The second option is to join Survey corps. The possibility that I would be able to uncover at least some of the truth behind everything is now quite high. There might never be a better chance to do it. But I will probably die. Sooner than later. On the other hand, I will die with no regrets. And I would not have to go to any other baby shower and suffer all the pitying looks of my not-single-anymore-friends. So, it is decided. Wings of freedom it is.

 

\--- Time Skip ---

 

Erwin and Levi both stood on the training field near Survey Corps HQ.

 

 _“This is a pretty dumb idea and you know it.”_ Shortie glared at the taller man.

 

 _“We need as much manpower as we can get Levi. And she is willing to join us. I checked her file. She is quite capable. We need capable people now more than ever.”_ Commander said, but deep down he knew that Levi would not be so easily persuaded.

 

_“She is MP. They might send her here to spy on us. Or sabotage us. I´m telling you, this is a shitty idea.”_

Because of Corporal´s underground past, he wasn´t a fan of an MP. On the contrary, he did not like them just one bit. And now, in this crucial time, one of them is joining them willingly. Levi knows when something stinks.

Erwin looked at the smaller man and chuckled. What a long way from the brat that he captured in the underground city to a loyal member of Survey Corps. But it was true, he shared his concerns. This transfer was really well timed. Of course, he would never consider the possibility that Nile would betray him like that. But he didn´t know anything about his sister. Most time Nile and he spend together was during their training and during that period Nile only got letters from his sister ...never a visit. After graduation, he saw her a few times, but they never talked to each other. After Nile left his office week ago, he too called in some favours and asked around about this girl. Apparently, there was nothing sketchy. She was good at her job, always getting perfect results and slowly making it up in the chain of command. So why would she throw all of that away for 10% chance of surviving at the first expedition? His thoughts were abruptly interrupted by loud “Tsk”. He looked up and saw that two figures were slowly approaching them. In one of the figures, he recognised Nile so the other one will be most definitely (Y/N). He glanced at Levi surrounded by a dark aura. He did not envy (Y/N) her program for today.

\--------

As we reached two members of Survey corps I watched my brother exchanging nods with both males. I thoughted it is appropriate to introduce myself so I stepped forward and saluted.

 

_“Commander, Corporal my name is (Y/N) Dok. I´m delighted to make your acquaintance.”_

After that, I turned my attention to the tall blond man.

 

 _“Commander Smith, I´ve heard so much about you from my brother, I´m very grateful for this opportunity to…-“_ I couldn’t finish my sentence because loud scoff erupted from Corporal.

 

 _“Already pushing -my brother- card, aren´t you? What are you going to do without him, brat?”_ He spat.

I stood for a second completely dumbfounded, my (E/C) eyes widened slightly. What did he just said? Hostile little shrimp. It looks like we won´t be becoming BFFs anytime soon then. But if he thinks that I will be scared of his behaviour he miscalculated. Almost everyone in MP was in top ten in their class. That means that this branch of the military is PACKED with people thinking they are better than others. I met my fair-share of scumbags during my carrier. I can definitely handle this with a calm head. I won´t give him the pleasure of losing my cool.

 

_“Well, corporal... I think it would be your job to change my diapers and warm up my soup.”_

…The hell brain?? I could swear... If looks could kill I would be dead by now. Maybe even incinerated.

 

 _“(Y/N), you should apologize to corporal.”_ I heard my brother but I just kept glaring on the midget in front of me. Nope. I don´t like him. For another minute, there was only silence.

 

 _“I apologize, corporal.”_ I muffled.

 

 _“Shouldn´t we start with the examinations?”_ Erwin probably sensed that this situation is going south faster than expected.

 

I was grateful for this intervention, until commander´s next sentence. _“First part is hand to hand combat. Your partner will be Corporal Levi.”_

I tried to fake a smile, but I probably looked like I was experiencing some …

 

_“Are you constipated brat? Or is this your normal face?”_

Of course, he would notice. I passed that remark with a silence and prepared myself in the position. From what I´ve heard about him, he is humanity´s strongest. In hand to hand combat, I was humanity´s most average? At the best. This is not going to be a fair fight. And as I anticipated Corporal launched at me with a brutal force. All that I was able to do was keep defending myself. But even that wasn´t good enough. After a while, I ended up on my back with his foot pressed under my neck. Smug on his face made me see red. No. Wait. That was blood from my nose. I pushed his leg away and stood up. My sleeve served me as a handkerchief.

 

 _“Another round, sir?”_ I asked.

 

 _“You took a liking to the dust on our training field, haven´t you?”_ With that, he launched forward.

This time around I was able to at least lend some punches on him as well. After a few minutes, I again made a contact with the dusty surface of the Survey Corps training field. I stood up and fixed my (H/L) (H/C) hair. After that, I looked around. Nile was glaring at Levi and Erwin seemed pretty pleased with the results. He took a step towards me and extended his hand with a handkerchief. I took it and mumbled some sort of thanks.

 

 _“I think your skills in hand to hand combat meets our expectation. Next 3DMG.”_ He nodded in the direction of a forest.

I slowly started to walk in that direction, leaving behind everyone else. Great… Just great I thoughted. Now, when I can´t even feel my body anymore I will have to perform some skills on 3DMG. Nile caught up with me and gently squeezed my arm.

When we got to the forest I strapped my 3DMG to my harness. I listened to Erwin when he explained the test. It was rather easy. Just go and kill some dummy-titans. I already knew whose face will I picture on every single nape I´m going to slice today. With that Erwin started the clock count and I went off to the forest. To be honest. It was easy. With 3DMG I was on top of my class and I still had it in me. I was quite fast but my biggest strength was my flexibility. I cleared the forest in less than 20 minutes. Even that little noodle seemed impressed before he hid his expression behind a mask of total loathing. Erwin and Nile, on the other hand, looked happy.

 

 _“Good job grandma, you still got it.”_ He grinned.

 

_“Shut up, fossil.”_

The last part of the exam was horse-riding. No need to say that was no problem for me. I always loved horse riding. Half because I love animals, half because I was lazy and this was better than running. Levi left during this exam and my brother went with him to get me something to drink. Now it was only me and commander. I knew that he has something to say to me but he just stood there silently. I dismounted the horse and came closer to him.

 

_“I can see you want to ask something, so please, go ahead.”_

 

He cleared his throat.: _“I will speak bluntly. You understand that your request for the transfer came in the most auspicious time, right? Levi is afraid that you might be spying on us. He is not very thrilled about you.”_

 

I laughed. _“Yeah. I noticed that. Since you clearly like to speak bluntly I will do the same. I suspect my brother already told you something. But as you can see I´m extremely interested in the history of mankind and in the history of titans. I think it´s most strange that we don´t have any credible historical sources. And even stranger is that no one seems bothered by it. I really think that by finding the truth of our ancestry we can win this war with titans. I was hoping that by joining the MP I will be able to locate some sort of grey eminence. Someone who knows what happened before the walls were erected. Someone who knows the truth about titans. Unfortunately, I wasn´t able to find anything. And after that, the whole thing with Eren happened. And to be honest. He is the best clue I can get right know. And since he is in a care of the Survey Corps I decided to join. You know very well that by telling you this I compromised my safety, so I hope you will be able to believe me to some extent from now on.”_

 

He was silent for a while.

 

_“If what are you saying is true, then our goals are the same.”_

 

 _“So you still don´t believe me?_ ” I retorted.

 

_“No. But I will still accept you into the Survey Corps.”_


	4. Cleaning what?

Of course, I was a little bit hurt by commander´s comment. But I got it, he must be careful in his position. After our little chat, he instructed me to go to showers and also informed me that my new uniform will be prepared in the meantime. I still couldn´t believe that I was really doing this, but beside fear and an anxiety, I also felt thrilled. After the shower and change of clothes, I was greeted by a person introduced to me as Hange Zoë. To my huge relieve she was rather relaxed around me, even cracking some jokes. She led me down the halls to show me my new sleeping arrangements.

 

 _“This is it! Since you are technically a cadet, you will be sharing your room with another two girls.”_ She opened the door and gestured me inside.

Smile that I was sporting since I met her faded considerably when I examined the room. It was so small. Smaller than my closet. What the hell? These people are risking their lives and they even don´t get a nice accommodation. Hange must have guessed what I was thinking.

 

_“Don´t worry. I heard you are pretty skilful so you can aim to get a promotion soon. After that, your room will be upgraded.” She said with a small smile. “Of course only if you survive the next expedition.”_

 

I turned back to her. _“I´m so sorry I didn´t mean to be disrespectful. I probably just now get the fact how privileged care MP receives. I will move my things here as soon as possible. What´s next?”_ I asked with curiosity in my voice.

 

She turned back to the hallway. _“Well, I will show you rest of the HQ and we can assign you your horse. After that, it´s commander´s wishes you to be introduced to the other cadets.”_

 

With that, we proceeded in our little tour. To my dissatisfaction rest of the HQ was same as my new room. Smaller, shabbier and gloomier than everything that I was used to in the inner wall. I also got the chance to examine my horse and I decided to politely decline him.

 

Hange looked confused. _“You can´t go beyond the wall without one. Why don´t you like him? It´s one of the best we can offer you.”_

 

I decided it would be best if I somehow try to mask my spoiled behaviour. _“Yes and that´s why I can´t accept this generous offer. Horses are very expensive and rare so I know that you will need this one for someone else. I will bring my own horse to lessen the expanses Survey corps has to spend on me.”_

 

If she saw through my lie she didn´t show it. But my life depends on that horse. I won´t be content with anything less than perfect.

 

_“If you excuse me squad leader Zoë, I would like to head back to Sheena today to take care of my business. Would it be possible to meet with the other cadets tomorrow?”_

 

 _“Yes of course. I will tell Erwin that you went back to gather your things. And don´t worry, you will get used to all of this.”_ She said with an encouraging look.

 

 _“Thank you.”_ With that, I departed from the stables and head back to my, now former, home.

 

\--- Time skip --- (back in my apartment)

 

I looked around the spacious apartment I once called my home. Oh, how much I will miss my big bathroom and comfortable big bed. I finished packing my belongings and looked around once more. I might not be able to see this place ever again I thoughted. No. No negative thoughts today. I promised Nile that he can accompany me to horse market and after that, he invited me to his house for dinner. With my mind occupied by imaginations of my brother´s wife cooking wonders I slowly made it to the horse market. I saw my brother in the crowd, already judging the offers.

 

 _“Anything interesting?”_ I asked as I stepped to his side.

 

 _“Prices went up again. But there are some decent offers I guess.”_ He told without looking at me at all.

 

_“Today, prices don´t matter. I want the fastest animal I can get.”_

I looked at the merchants. I was telling the truth. Prices really don´t matter. During my military carrier, I managed to amass quite a nice fortune. MP paid well and I also got my hands on some bribes. Yeah. Not very noble, I know. But it wasn´t anything too serious and the money was good. So I decided to splurge one last time, I also intended to leave something for Nile. He has three children; he will most definitely use the money for something good. After a while, I found a horse that seemed acceptable. In the end, I did not choose the fastest horse but the one with best endurance abilities. The breed was not very common and I wasn´t even sure if anyone in Survey corps has even ever seen it. The cost was rather excessive. I could probably buy a house for this. But I was already set on getting this one (1). After I paid the price and got all the contracts set I instructed the merchant to deliver the horse to Survey corps HQ.

 

Later, me and Nile headed to his house. I loved to visit his family. It felt like true home. My two nephews and one niece were the best children I ever met. They were nice, funny not spoiled (well sometimes they were by their aunt, but I was working on it...) and very polite. I always brought the small gifts whenever I showed up. Not to mention I was their favourite aunt. Marie was preparing dinner and meanwhile, I was playing with children. Today’s gift was mini children version of 3DMG. They were thrilled and immediately decided that me and Nile are titans now. In a dire need of slaying. As we decimated the living room I was thinking that I haven´t felt this happy in a long time… and then sudden realization hit me. I might not see them again. As I was buried in my thoughts the three little titan slayers tackled me down.

 

 _“I give up! Please spare me, humanity´s strongest brats.”_ I exclaimed with faked cries for help.

They stopped and I decided to use the situation and I start to tickle them. Loud laughter erupted from them as they tried to squirm away from me. I wasn´t able to continue my pursue as Nile´s voice cut through the air.

 

 _“Hey! Children! Come to the table now. All of you.”_ With the last sentence, he winked at me.

Well, there was no need to tell me that twice. I absolutely loved my sister´s in law cooking. I sat at the head of the table and I happily observed my brother´s little family. Yes. He will be alright even without me. I scolded myself. What is it with these grim thoughts of mine? I should stop. We ate in a fair silence only interrupted when one of the children wanted to ask something about titans. After dinner, Marie took children upstairs and me and Nile moved on the sofa in the living room.

 

 _“You know that you can come back whenever you want, right?”_ He asked as he sat next to me.

 

 _“Stop with that worrying! It will be okay. In the case of emergency, I will just push that little shrimp corporal into the titan’s mouth and run for my life.”_ I hoped that he wouldn´t notice the slight tremble in my voice.

There was a moment of silence.

 

 _“You have to write me! And also don´t forget to send me some booze and edible food. Survey corps stomachs must be as badass as them because I don´t think I will be able to process their food.”_ I decided to continue my monologue.

 

A slight chuckle escaped his lips. _“Don´t worry. I will keep you supplied. And if the corporal or commander dares to mistreat you, write me and I will get them in line.”_

 

After that our conversation lightened. We talked about good old times, Marie eventually joined us. We all laughed at some old stories and even drank two bottles of wine in the process. I don´t even know when I fell asleep. When I woke up it was already early morning. I was lying on a sofa covered by a thick blanket. I slowly stretched my limbs and let my feet hit the ground.

 

 _“Are you alive?”_  The sound of Nile voice was emitting from the kitchen.

 

 _“Barely.”_ I exclaimed with a grunt.

I slowly walked into the shower. After that, I felt a little bit more alive so I headed to the kitchen. My brother already prepared something for breakfast.

 

 _“Should I escort you to their HQ?”_ Nile asked as soon as I stepped inside.

 

 _“No, there is no need. Corporal shrimp would probably rub my nose in it if you did.”_ I declined his offer.

 

 _“Alright.. good.”_ Was the only answer given to me.

I noticed two packages neatly prepared near the door.

 

 _“What is it?”_ I pointed in their direction.

 

_“Marie made some first aid package for you, that´s the one to the left. The second one is for Erwin, so please pass it to him as soon as you reach HQ.”_

 

 _“Sure. I will look like lickspittle on my first day there.”_ I shot him half angry, half amused look.

 

After that, we didn´t talk at all. The moment of my departure was soon upon us. As I was leaving the door I hugged Marie and children. I turned to my brother and hugged him too. I pressed small box into his hand.

 

 _“Remember when we were young and you lost your favourite soldier toy? I can´t live with the guilt anymore… I must confess, it was me who is responsible for his disappearance. I accidentally dropped him into the well. I hope this will compensate your loss.”_ I watched him laugh.

 

_“I knew it was you. I will check the content of this box and I will inform you if I forgave you for your past sins.”_

I hugged him once more and wave at him and his family as I walked further and further from their house. Yeah… I hope he will forgive me for my great sins. I laughed. In the box was part of my savings and some personal stuff I wanted to leave behind with my brother. He will be soo mushy after he will examine it. I laughed at the idea once more and began to stroll down to Survey corps HQ.

 

\--- Time Skip ---

 

At Survey corps HQ I went straight to commander Erwin´s office. I knocked and waited.

 

 _“State your name and business.”_ Came almost immediately.

 

_“Cadet Dok, sir. I have some gifts from my brother, sir.”_

There was a moment of silence.

 

_“Come in.”_

I slowly opened the door only to see commander sitting behind his desk. He was surrounded by huge piles of paperwork. I made my way to the side of the table and carefully placed the package on one and only free spot on the desk.

 

 _“What´s in it?”_ Commander did not even lift up his gaze from paperwork.

 

_“I don´t know sir. Just something from my brother and Marie.”_

 

When the name escaped my lips his gaze shot up to me. Marie. Oh yes, I almost forgot. Nile once told me that he and Erwin were love rivals once. Commander slowly stood up and open the package. The first thing he pulled out was a bottle with an attached note. On the note, I recognised my brother´s writing. The second thing he pulled out was a box of homemade cookies. That was clearly gifted by Marie. He carefully caressed the ribbon holding the box closed. But he suddenly felt me gazed at his action so his shoulders straightened and his eyes hardened.

 

 _“You are dismissed cadet, report to corporal Levi at the training field.”_ He said coldly, waving his hand in the direction of the door.

 

 _“Yes, sir. Good day, sir.”_ As I was leaving the room I felt little uneasy. It seems that commander still had some feelings for my sister-in-law.

 

\--- Time skip --- (On the training field)

 

Levi was torturing the cadets when I got there. Push-ups, running, jumping jack … I walked in front of him and saluted.

 

_“Corporal Levi, sir. I was instructed to report here.”_

 

 _“Tsk. Are you finally here brat? Good.”_ He averted his menacing gaze from me. _“Cadets, this is your new peer. Cadet Dok. We shall now show cadet how we train. Make pairs.”_

 

I was paired with a girl with a dark hair and red scarf. Few people shot me sympathetic looks. Well, that can´t be good. My prediction was correct. That girl was a killing machine. I wasn´t able to beat her. Not even once. Eventually even corporal came to us to watch us spare. He scoffed at my futile attempt to get the other girl down.

 

 _“Stop.”_ He spat.

I and the other girl stopped and looked at him.

 

_“Cadet Ackerman, very good. Cadet Dok, it seems like you can´t really work with your centre of gravity. On 3DMG you looked promising but here? Not so much.”_

 

 _“Well it´s easy for you to talk since your centre of gravity is much lower than mine.”_ I growled silently. To my utmost horror, the midget somehow understood what I had just said.

 

 _“What?”_ He looked furiously at me.

 

 _“Nothing sir.”_ I tried to put on an innocent face. But that never really worked for me.

 

 _“Week of cleaning duties. You will clean all of the higher-up's offices.”_ He barked at me.

 

I looked confused. _“What is cleaning duty, sir?”_

 

 _“Of course you don´t know. MPs probably live in their own filth.”_ He gave me one last nasty look and after that, he went onto the next couple.

 

I turned to the girl I was sparing with. _“What is it?”_

 

A/N (1) I did some research and I would probably opt for the Arabian horse. Probably white one. Erwin can´t be the only one with a cool white horse.


	5. Presumption of innocence

Cleaning? For real? I was pretty much pissed off. Why should I clean their mess? I´ve already cleaned Levi´s office and it was a total nightmare. When I entered, I thought that he was kidding me. The place was spotless. What am I supposed to clean? That was my only thought. But Levi insisted. That little cleaning fairy. I was sweeping non-extensional dust from his bookshelves, polishing shining wooden table, trying to find any spots on completely clear windows... Corporal clean-freak was sitting behind his desk, doing paperwork. The only occasion when he decided to speak was when he asked me if I ever cleaned something before and that I´m slower with cleaning than Hange with her paperwork. I just grunted in response. And to be honest? No. I wasn´t used to doing the cleaning. I always hired someone to do that. I was busy so I did not want to spend my free time with a mop in my hand. After what felt like an eternity (and probably was like 3 hours) Levi finally released me from his office.

 

 _“Go clean Erwin´s office while he is at dinner.”_ He didn´t even wait for my answer and just slammed his door into my face.

 

I grunted again. I hope you will drown yourself in soap water... I wished for him. But I proceeded to the commander´s office. The room was dark and empty. I started with the dust on the bookshelf. I did not mean to snoop, but I was a little bit curious. So, I explored the stuff I was dusting off. Commander was an apparently proud owner of quite a few rare historical books. Besides books, there were some other trinkets, not anything that would spark my curiosity. After that, I moved to his desk. It was still covered in papers. I started to re-arrange them into neat columns. I also noticed the empty box from Marie laying in the trash can. But the ribbon was clearly missing. As I was working with papers I couldn´t help but notice their content. I know. I should not have done that. But the thing that surprised me most wasn´t some Survey corps super secrets, but the style in which the reports and notes were filled. It was immaculate. And also absolutely unnecessary. I held few papers and inspected what kind of form are they. Why would commander filled all these B-21 and B-24 when he can just submit summary on an A-14 form? He clearly has a lot of work and by this, he was just pilling on himself even more. What I didn´t expect was a sudden slam of the door. I jumped at the sound still holding all the reports and other papers I had previously picked up.

 

 _“What the hell are you doing with these documents?”_ Erwin´s voice was angry. Really angry.

I looked at my hands and to my sudden horror, I realized how this must seem to him. Spying on Survey corps already?

 

 _“It´s really not how it looks like, I just..”_ I started to explain myself, but I was cut short.

Erwin strode to me in a matter of seconds and his hand immediately caught my wrist. Not to say his grip was too tight. I could almost hear my bones shattering. He yanked me away from the desk with one swift move. I was so taken aback that I tripped and almost fell on the floor, but his iron grip was preventing me from falling. All I could think of was how I probably won´t be able to talk myself out of this situation.

 

 _“What do you think? That I´m that naïve to trust MP transfer?”_ He hissed. _“What is your objective? Eren? Tell me now and I won´t ask Hange and Levi to take you up for interrogations.”_

 

 _“Nothing, really nothing I swear! I was instructed to clean your office and when I was re-arranging the paper mess I couldn´t help but notice that you are using incorrect forms for certain documents.”_ I was speaking rather frantically.

Well, needless to say, that he wasn´t convinced. No. He almost seemed more pissed off. He sent me flying across the room. My free fall was abruptly stopped by the bookshelf. I hit my head quite hard and the impact almost knocked the breath out of my lungs. Only after that, he noticed that I was still holding three sheets of a paper in my other hand. He almost ran to me and ripped them out of my hand. He immediately started to study what I was holding onto. I knew what it was. It was a stupid list of kitchen orders. His angry look turned into the puzzled one.

 

 _“Why would you be interested in this?”_ He asked.

 

“ _I´m not really. Swear on my life. I was just curious why are you using this form, sir.”_ I answered, trying very hard to calm my trembling voice.

 

 _“What do you mean by that?”_ He asked again.

 

_“Well, I could not help but notice that you, sir, and corporal Levi both have quite a lot of paperwork on your shoulders.”_

 

_“And?”_

 

 _“During my time as a squad leader, I faced the same problem. In time, I found out that many of these forms can be replaced by one general. I was just merely confused you are not using these general forms, sir. I didn´t mean to pry into anything.”_ I slowly gathered myself from the bookshelf.

 

 _“General forms?”_ He now looked more relaxed.

 

 _“Yes.. if you look at this number…”_ I stepped to his side and point on the right corner of the sheet he was holding. _“…B-21… B-20 to B-25 can all be replaced just with one sheet of A-14.”_

 

 _“What? So you were not spying?”_ He looked me straight in the eye.

 

 _“No.”_ I did not blink and I did not flinch away from his gaze. _“Look, if you need help I can help you with paperwork...sir.”_

He ran his hand through his blond hair. I was compelled to do the same, but to my utmost horror, my hand became wet as soon as I touched back of my head. I slowly let my hand down, only seeing my fingers smeared with red liquid.

 

 _“Sir? May I use your bathroom please?”_ I didn´t even wait for his approval and barged straight into his personal bathroom, leaving him dumbfounded by my actions. But after that, he looked at the bookshelf in front of him and he noticed the red liquid on the edge of the shelf. All his anger was suddenly gone.

 

 _“Are you okay? …. (Y/N).., I mean cadet Dok.”_ His voice sounded from the room next to the bathroom.

 

 _“Yes, I´m so sorry I borrowed your towel.”_ I semi-shouted so he would be able to hear.

I was sitting on the edge of a bathtub pressing this pristine white piece of cloth to my pate. It stung a little. I slumped in my shoulders.

 

 _“Do you need any assistance?”_ Another question.

 

 _“No, it´s okay. I just… need a moment.”_ I retorted.

Probably I did not sound very convincing because suddenly I was covered by a large shadow and I saw commanders boots right in front of me.

 

 _“Let me check it.”_ He told me.

 

 _“No, it´s fine really. There is no need to concern yourself with this.”_ I tried to put some space between us but I almost fell into the bathtub.

 

He grabbed my shoulder. _“It´s an order, cadet.”_

With a sigh, I stood up from the bathtub and turned my back to him. After that, I pulled away from the towel, now covered in red colour. He tried to brush away my (H/C) hair so he could see how severe the cut was. I involuntary shrugged under his touch. Partly because it hurt and partly… I don´t know. Probably just because it hurt.

 

 _“It would be better if we put a few stitches on that.”_ He exclaimed after a minute.

 

 _“Okay, thank you. I will go to the infirmary...-.”_ My sentence was cut short by his voice.

 

_“No need for that I have medical kit somewhere in my bedroom.”_

 

Now I looked puzzled. _“And do you know how to use it?..sir?”_

 

He chuckled: _“Of course, come.”_

I slowly made it into his bedroom. It was quite a simple room. Sure, it was better than mine, but still somewhat humble. He opened his closet and after a few seconds he pulled out medical kid.

 

 _“_ _It would be better if you sit on the floor next to the bed.”_ He motioned to the place and I decided to do as he said.

He sat on the bed and I was placed on the floor in front of him, my back turned to him.

 

 _“It might hurt a little bit.”_ He warned me.

 

_“It´s okay, please don’t worry about it, sir.”_

I could not see what he was doing but I could feel his hand preparing the cut for sewing. I decided that I would distract myself so I looked around the room. One thing caught my eyes almost immediately. It was the ribbon from Marie. Sitting there on his nightstand. I almost started to feel sorry for him, but suddenly I felt light pain as he started sewing my skin back together. He probably had guessed where my eyes lingered.

 

 _“I would appreciate if you can be silent about this in front of your brother.”_ His voice sounded quiet.

 

 _“Yes… of course. But… sir, if I may, from what my brother told me, YOU were her first choice. But you picked Survey corps instead. You should not regret it now.”_ I did not even know why I would even say that. It´s most definitely not my place to discuss this matter with him.

 

_“I do not regret anything. It´s just sometimes the ghosts of the past comes and haunts me for a night.”_

I did not expect any answer so when I got one I was rather surprised. But I also wasn´t 100% convinced that he is telling the truth. Maybe even he is convinced that it´s the truth but I would beg a differ. I decided It would be best to change the subject.

 

 _“So… Are you going to torture me for some sort of confession?”_ I asked.

 

 _“No… but I don´t want to see you snooping around again.”_ He said with a stern voice.

 

 _“Agreed… Can I ask a favour?”_ I pressed my luck, maybe he is feeling guilty for my injury.

 

 _“That’s your family speciality I guess… Alright, speak.”_ He chuckled at the first sentence, remembering his conversation with Nile.

 

 _“When I was sweeping dust from your bookshelf I could not help but notice that you have quite an impressive collection of history books. Would you mind lending me some_ _of them?”_

 

 _“What would you want with them?”_ He asked. He knew that some of the books were ALMOST illegal.

 

 _“I used to own similar collection. I would like to read some of them again.”_ I said plainly.

 

 _“You used to own…? What happened?”_ He inquired.

 

_“I think you know. I´m an extremely paranoid person. After I got accepted to MP I burned all of them. I was afraid someone might find them and me. I regret it to this day. I promised myself that I will remember every sentence from that books but… well, my mind is not what it used to be. So I would like to read some of the books again.”_

 

 _“Alright… just don´t burn them.”_ He agreed to my request.

 

_“I promise, thank you.”_

 

 _“Well, your head is as good as new.”_ He exclaimed and stood up. He extended his arm and helped me back to my feet.

I was feeling rather wobblily but I soon regained my composure. I followed Erwin back to his office. He went straight to the bookshelf, pulling out one of the books.

 

 _“You should start with this one.”_ He turned to me, handing me the book.

I took it with both of my hands and I smiled.

 

 _“Thank you again, sir. Now, I will excuse myself.”_ I turned to the door. Waiting for a brief moment for… I didn´t really know what I was waiting for, so I just straightened my shoulders and went out of commander office.

Little did I know that commander kept staring at the door I exited a few minutes ago.

\----

He was still weirded out about the whole situation. He saw my bruised wrist when he handed me the book. He also saw the injury I suffered from colliding with his bookshelf. What if he pushed me just a little bit harder? How would he explain to Nile that he killed his little sister, just for suspecting her of spying on Survey corps? He should be more careful. His nerves are not what they used to be, with everything that happened in the past few months. He turned back to his table. Yesterday he ate the gift from Marie, well today it seemed like a good day to open the bottle from Nile.


	6. Lucky Day

Next couple of days were dull. I managed to befriend few 104th ´s cadets. Although they were younger than me, they already had a battle experience. Beside socializing I spend my time by learning Long-distance scouting formation. Expedition´s day was drawing near and my anxiousness increased accordingly. A place that I was assigned to wasn´t the safest one either. But on the bright side, I also managed to avoid commander. I wasn´t really sure how I should behave towards him.

On the expedition´s day, I felt terrible. I was hungry (because I could not stomach anything) and sleepy (because I was so nervous I could not sleep at all). Wow. That´s the way how to increase my survival probability for sure. I was stationed at the back of the formation with four other people. None of them were newbies, that´s at least a little bit reassuring. With the ringing of the bell, our little suicidal squad went through the gate. For quite some time after our departure, nothing happened. We only followed flares that were shot, not even spotting any titans. But that all changed with the loud thump sounds coming from behind us. With complete horror, I looked back and I saw a female titan sprinting towards us. Someone next to me shouted that we should disperse and get ready to fight. I led my horse to the right side with two other scouts. To my great dismay, as the female caught up with us, she slowed down a little bit and glanced at all of us. Without anything else, she then proceeded to sprint forward. I felt so relieved until the moment I noticed five other titans were quickly catching up with us. I saw the guy beside me trying to fire signalling flare but he just managed to drop the gun instead. Next ten minutes were completely surreal. As soon as we engaged the Titans humans started to die. One by one I saw everyone´s terrible fate until I was the only one yet to meet my maker. I was now standing against the last titan. He was quite quick, that tall bastard. But with the most incredible luck, I was able to slice his nape without losing any of my limbs. As I was ready to celebrate this incredible victory the titan stumbled and started to fall. For some unknown reasons, I wasn´t prepared for this and I went to the ground with him.

When I came to my senses I only saw blue sky, nothing more. I probably had a concussion because my head was absolutely killing me. As I stood up I looked around and saw my horse few meters away from me … today sure was my lucky day. Well, I still was alone, deep in the Titans territory with only my horse so … probably not the luckiest day ever. But hey, it could have been worse. Now, I was determined to survive this, this adrenaline rush enabled me to get rid of my fear completely. I decided it would be best to pursue rest of the expedition, still, it took me almost two hours to spot some people near the titan’s forest. Next thing I saw was a signalling flare – retreat. Yeah. No complaints from me. I went little too far west so it took me another fifteen minutes to catch with the formation, but as soon as I did a felt my adrenaline rush slowly wearing off, leaving only complete shock. I didn´t even register that we re-entered the gates. It was only by the time we got back to the HQ I was able to react to my surroundings again.

Back at my room after a long shower, I had to think about the things I saw today. The sight of my fellow scouts being eaten alive was terrible, but their cries were even worse. They were not my friends, only a mere acquaintance but still, I was the person who shared their most terrifying moments with them. This will probably going to haunt me for the rest of my life. Was I really prepared to die in the pursuit of truth?

 

 _“(Y/N)? Are you in there?”_ A familiar voice sounded outside my room.

This snapped me out of my thoughts.

 

 _“Yes, Sasha, what do you want?”_ I did not even bother to open the door.

 

 _“Commander wants to speak with you.”_ She said.

 

 _“Now? Fine. I´m on my way.”_ I grunted.

__

With a great effort, I rose up to my feet and walked out of my room. Sasha already left, so my way to commander´s office was shrouded in silence. When I reached my destination I gently knocked on the door.

__

_“Cadet Dok, sir. I was told you want to speak with me.”_

__

_“Yes, come in.”_

 

The voice from the office was clearly Erwin´s but it was not his normal tone, something was different. Can I be in trouble for something? With these thoughts, I entered his office and made my way towards his desk.

 

_“I have a few questions for you….”_

Was he angry? Or tired? Or something else? I could not tell.

__

_“What happened to the rest of your team?”_

Yes, of course. I was only one who survived, so no one else was able to deliver any report.

__

_“Dead, sir. All of them.”_ I really wished not to talk about this now.

__

_“You were the first one to spot the female titan, right?”_ He asked, his face still unreadable.

__

_“Probably yes, sir. She came from our back.”_

I proceeded to explain the whole event, including how I was knocked unconscious and how I found my way back to the formation. He listened carefully not even blinking.

__

_“Why did you not shoot signalling flares?”_

With his question, I started to feel uneasy. Was this report or interrogation? But I started to explain how the guy next to me tried and failed and after that there wasn´t time to shoot anything anymore. While I was speaking, he stood up a turn his back at me.

__

_“So, the female titan came from your direction. You, a newbie, are the only surviving member of your team. You also managed to survive quite a long time alone in Titans territory. Furthermore, you only re-joined the forces after the battle in the forest ended ..”_

He still was standing with his back towards me, so I wasn´t able to see his expression. But I hoped he was smiling and this was just some sick joke of his.

__

_“What are you suggesting?”_ I asked carefully.

 

_“I´m pretty sure you already know (Y/N). I think the female titan is YOU. I suspected that there is a spy amongst our ranks and everything adds up perfectly. You joining the corps, this expedition, the paperwork... You can stop lying right here, right now.”_

His voice was stern and full of… hate?

__

_“You got to be kidding me, sir. Another of your accusations? Are you not tired of this? Besides this one is a complete joke. I´m not the female titan. I was never…”_

My voice was now angry. Was he accusing me of this? This can´t be real. But as I started to think about all the evidence he presented, to my great horror his logic really had some valid points. But before I could finish my sentence he abruptly turned around to face me, with an expression of a killer.

__

_“You are going to be detained for now. I put Levi and Zoe in the charge of your investigation. I really hope you can cooperate with them and undo all the terrible things and deaths you have caused to humanity. Either way, this is going to be the end of you.”_

__

As I was contemplating the best strategies and arguments which can be presented to beat his logic conclusion, I didn´t notice Lance corporal coming from my back to quickly detain me. He must have been lurking in the shadows the whole time.

 

 _“You CAN´T do this! You made a mistake, it´s not me! I had no chance to present any evidence in my defence.”_ Of course, at this moment I couldn´t think of anything that could prove my innocent beyond any reasonable doubt.

Now I was struggling against Levi and at the same time, I was screaming at Erwin. But I wasn´t able to wiggle out of Levi´s grip and Erwin wasn´t concerned with my shouting either.

 

 _“Take her to the cell and get some information out of her, before we tell the truth about her to other military branches.”_ Erwin didn´t even look at me while giving Levi his order.

I paled considerably. Is this all just a joke? Please be a joke. My (E/C) suddenly started watering.


	7. Difficult questions

A/N This is going to be kind of a dark chapter; you have been warned.

 

 _I wish I was killed by a titan._ Yeah, I couldn’t believe I was really thinking this, yet it was true. It´s bad to be interrogated for information but it was even worse to be interrogated for something you have no knowledge about. I tried to reason with Levi but he just thought that I´m super stubborn or super committed to not reveal anything, so he just tried harder to force some revelation out of me. Now I was just lying on the cold floor, praying that he won´t ever return. Time became quite relative in the windowless cell, but because of my hunger, I could tell that I´ve been here for at least two days. Maybe that´s their new strategy – starve me to death. I´m going to die in this god's forsaken pit, not accomplishing even the smallest fragments of my goals. I wonder what did they tell Nile? That I died on the expedition and they couldn´t retrieve my body? Or did Erwin accused my brother of conspiracy? Whatever it was, Nile was most certainly heart-broken right now. But … if they told him they just detained me he would already send a rescue team. So, I guess they told him I´m dead. Well, I probably soon be, so it wasn´t so farfetched lie. It could have been another few hours or even days, then the doors to my cell opened. Some soldier was talking to me, but I was so tired and weak to even comprehend his words. Soon his comrade came to his side and they both tried to lift me up to my feet. I just put all my weight on them and let them carry me to wherever they wanted.

\---

I probably passed out during that trip because next time I opened my eyes I was in a different room. Room, not a cell. I was lying on the bed, covered in a comfortable blanket. I looked around the place and I figured that this must be some sort of infirmary, quite luxurious I might add. What the hell was happening now? I tried to sit, but the pain was still not manageable, so I gave up. I examined the space again. There were two beds, one was currently occupied by me, the second one was empty, next to each bed was comfortable looking chair. There was also a big window with heavy curtains currently blocking my view. There also was one big closet and two small nightstands. As my eyes wandered towards the door they suddenly opened. Girl, maybe my age entered the room.

 

 _“You are awake, miss Dok? Finally.”_  She exclaimed with a cheerful voice.

 

 _“Yes… Please, where am I?”_  I wanted answers… and I wanted them now.

 

 _“You are currently in the official´s infirmary. Soldiers brought you two days ago. Apparently, you got hurt during one of your undercover missions. But don´t worry, you are safe now. I came to check up on you and change your bandages.”_ With this, she sat next to me and began to examine my hands.

So… an undercover mission? I guess they couldn’t say the truth. But she probably had no knowledge about my interrogation so I just passed this lie without making a scene.

 

 _“But I´m not military official anymore.”_  Could this be Nile´s doing…?

 

 _“You were brought here on the orders of the Survey Corps.”_  Said the nurse.

Well, this was not the answer I was expecting.

 

 _“Would you mind to tell me what happened the last few days?”_  I asked, hoping that she would tell me something.

 

_“Yes, of course. It all started when the female titan appeared in the city...”_

As she proceeded with the news it all started to make sense. Of course, they found out that they made a mistake and they were feeling bad so they had me moved here. I´m going to destroy them as soon as I will be able to stand up. But the next thing she told me – about the breach of wall Rose. If that´s true, humanity is indeed on the verge of losing its fight with titans. And I was in no shape to go on the expedition, nevertheless Survey corps apparently already left. I must focus on getting myself together. With these thoughts, I managed to fall asleep again.

\---

I was woken up by a rustling noise in the room. I opened my eyes I and saw some movement by the door. Apparently, the doctors and the nurses were moving someone to my room. It was clearly a nigh-time because even though the curtains on the windows were open, only moonlight lit up the place. One of the nurses noticed that I´m awake and she came to my side.

 

 _“Miss Dok, apparently one of the officers from Survey corps was badly injured so he was brought here. We figured that you probably know each other, so it would not be inconvenient for you to share this room together.”_  After that, she quickly turned around and went to help the others.

 

Now I was curious who it was, but there were so many people I didn´t even catch a glimpse. Only after they managed to put the lifeless body on the bed and they turned to leave the room, my field of vision was finally clear. But what I saw shocked me. There in front of me was commander Erwin, with bloody bandages wrapped around what used to be his right arm. The moonlight only made his paleness more prominent. He must have lost an incredible amount of blood. What the hell happened out there? Sure, I was incredibly mad at him. But this? He probably hardly survived and now his military career was … well … with this kind of injury he won´t be able to lead the expeditions anymore, so his military life was in fact dead. I was watching his shallow breaths for another hour or so, fearing that he might die here in this room with me, but eventually sleep caught up with me too and I drifted into the oblivion.

 

\---

 

Next morning, I was woken up by the sunlight. I yawned and shut my eyes even tighter. After a few seconds, the uncomfortable feeling of being watched settled in me, so I opened my eyes only to immediately meet the blue ones of commander Erwin. He was clearly awake, sitting on his bed with his back pressed against the headboard. I stared at him for another moment before I averted my gaze towards the window. I didn´t know what to say, so I remained silent. But the silence itself was unbearably uncomfortable, so I forced myself to make an eye contact with him again.

 

 _“It seems you lost something behind the walls.”_  I decided to ditch all the formalities. At least for now.

 

 _“You must be quite happy about that. Given the circumstances.”_  He answered suddenly looking out of the window I was using as a diversion just moments ago.

 

 _“Well… I prefer to execute my revenge myself. But now? I can´t really be angry at the cripple, can I? You already paid quite a price.”_ Maybe my words were too hard because his head snapped and he was looking at me again.

 

 _“Don´t call me a cripple.”_  His voice was cold… and maybe a little bit hurt also.

 

 _“You called me a traitor, I can call you whatever I want.”_ I shot back.

 

_“Look, I know…”_

Only gods know what he wanted to say, but we were interrupted by nurses entering our room. One of them went to Erwin and the second one came to me.

 

 _“It´s time to check up on your wounds again, are you ready?”_  She asked, her tone upbeat as ever.

 

I just nodded and let her help me sit up. She started with my broken leg, securing the splint again. After that she moved to the many cuts and bruises, some of them needed stitches but it seemed that they were healing just fine. The last part was the worst. She unwrapped bandages on my left hand and lift it up. I was missing four of my fingernails and apparently, she needed to disinfect the area so I won´t catch any infection. I grabbed the hem of my blanket and clenched my teeth. It took almost five minutes to do this so I was just glaring on one of my thumbs. After the cleaning, she wrapped my hand in a new bandage and put a plate of food on my nightstand. With that, she gathered her things and left, quickly followed by the nurse which was taking care of Erwin. I looked at the plate I was presented with. My lunch consisted of a small steak and some potatoes. Not bad at all. I carefully placed a fork and knife in my hands and started to eat. I didn´t pay attention to anything else until frustrated growl sounded from the second bed. I lifted my eyes from the plate only to see Erwin struggling with his lunch. One of the potatoes he tried to slice was already on the floor next to him and the second one was on his blanket. At that moment, I felt really bad for calling him a cripple earlier.

 

 _“Wait. I will help you.”_  I said looking at him.

 

 _“That´s not necessary. I can take care of this myself.”_  He grunted clearly frustrated.

 

 _“No. You will just catapult more food on the ground. It's dangerous you know? Rats will find it and they will move to this room. After that, they will bite us in our sleep_.  _When I was little, Nile told me this story about a man being eaten alive by rats! I would rather avoid his fate.”_  I retorted, half joking about a creepy story my brother used to scare me with.

 

I didn´t wait for his answer and I carefully swung my legs over the edge of my bed. I placed my right hand on the nightstand for the support and I forced my body into standing position. I almost felt back to the bed but I tightened my grip on the nightstand. After I felt a little bit more confident I began to strode towards his bed. I was awfully slow but at the end, I managed to fell on the chair next to him. He was watching me the whole time.

 

 _“Give me the plate.”_ With this, I extended my hand. But nothing happened. “ _Quickly.”_

Without a word, he gave me his plate and his knife and fork. I sliced his meat and his potatoes into smaller pieces and handed his plate back.

 

_“You should be able to manage the rest with just a fork.”_

 

With that, I forced myself back up and started my journey back to my bed.  _“Thank you.”_ Almost a whisper was spoken behind my back. I stopped in my tracks but I didn´t turn around. After a second I proceeded to walk again. Rest of the afternoon was silent. In the evening nurse came to collect the dishes from lunch and she also gave us a dinner. Before she left, she placed a small bag next to my bed. After I asked what´s inside, she told me that Nile had sent these to me, to help me fight the boredom. I impatiently opened the bag. It was full of my favourite books.  I picked one of them and immediately started to read.

 

\----

 

It was dark when I woke up, book pressed against my face. I must have fallen asleep while reading. I placed the book on the nightstand and turned to my other side with an intention to fall asleep again. Then a sound broke the silence of the night – small, pained grunt and after a while another. It was coming from the other half of the room.

 

 _“Erwin? Are you okay?”_  I whispered.

No answer.

 

 _“Erwin?”_  This time I called his name a little bit louder.

 

 _“It´s nothing … just a little bit of a pain.”_ He finally answered. But I could swear his voice didn´t sound like it was nothing.

 

 _“Should I call someone?”_ I asked again.

 

 _“No. They warned me about this.”_ He dismissed my offer immediately.

 

 _“Warn about what?”_  I pressed my luck to get him to give me a reply.

 

_“That I might feel pain in my right arm even though it´s … not there anymore.”_

 

Now I was surprised. His right arm hurt? I guess doctors can´t really heal that. I thoughted about a way to at least distract his mind, that always helped me when I felt pain. With an idea in mind, I picked up a book and slowly made my way across the room. After I reached Erwin chair I lit up one of the candles on his nightstand. The warm light illuminated his face, pale and sweaty with lips tightened into the firm line and teeth clenched together. I was quite sure that my own appearance wasn´t that much better with my (H/C) hair all messy, but he probably looked worse than me this one time.

 

 _“What are you doing?”_  He asked me, curiosity etched in his tone.

 

 _“I guess we both can´t sleep, so I can read us some stories. It might take your mind off the pain a little bit and it would also help me to become sleepy again.”_ I answered.

 

With that, I started to read the first chapter of the book Nile had sent me. It was a fictional story about the times before the walls were erected. Because the author labelled the title as a fiction It wasn´t banned per se, but it wasn´t easy to come by either. In my eyes that made the book only more valuable. As I was reading his face became more relaxed again, he listened patiently even though I sometimes messed up the sentences. After maybe two hours my throat became a little bit sore so I decided this chapter should be the last. As the story finished we both stayed silent for a while.

 

 _“We should try to get some sleep.”_  I closed the book and blew out the candle, leaving the room shrouded in darkness.

 

 _“Why do you think we live in the walls?”_  He asked me, without any warning. That was a pretty difficult question to answer.

 

 _“Well, it´s hard to say since we have only about one hundred years of history, to begin with. But I think this absence of any older knowledge might also play some part in our current situation. Generally, I have two theories. One of them is, that someone put us here for our protection and they made us forget our past so we won´t have to remember some painful events that occurred back then. The second one is, that we were put here as a punishment. And the absence of the cause is also only the part of the penalty.”_ After my exclamation, I remained silent. Awaiting his response.

 

 _“But why would they punish us? If it´s really a punishment, the perpetrators are long dead and we are only their descendants.”_ Another difficult question spoken by the commander.

 

_“I don´t know. Maybe we were reborn and we are paying for our past sins?”_

Yeah. That was one of my most far-fetched theories. To say the truth, I didn´t have evidence that any of my theories were true. I only had questions.

 

 _“So you think that there is something after death?”_ He wasn´t mocking my theories as I was expecting, I was surprised.

 

 _“We probably wouldn´t be able to find out about that until we kick the bucket, commander.”_  I said with a chuckle, trying to lighten up the mood a little bit.

 

 _“And are you afraid of -kicking the bucket-?”_ He enquired.

 

_“No. I mean, of course, I don´t want to feel the pain before my passing, but death itself doesn´t scare me. What about you? Are you afraid of death Erwin?”_

 

_“No.”_


	8. Promise

After that night, my relationship with the commander improved significantly. We had tons of free time so we talked about our childhoods, about the military, about history, about my brother and so on and so on. I borrowed him books that Nile send me and he gave me his opinion on them in return. When my outlook didn´t match his we argued for hours to prove the other wrong, but it usually ended up with a tie. I was really surprised that at one point in the time our conversation even became quite personal. It was during one of the lazy evenings, while we were sitting in the chairs we´ve moved next to the window earlier that day. We both had a book in our laps and cup of tea in hand, I was just babbling something about us being like a couple of old geezers, sitting all day, doing nothing, having the youngsters taking care of us and waiting for our grandchildren to pay us a visit. Corners of his mouth slightly raised and he brought the cup to his lips.

 

 _“Have you ever thought about grandchildren? Or family in general?”_  He asked.

I was taken aback by his question for a moment. Yes, we talked about our childhood and our friends, but we never mentioned anything too intimate.

 

 _“Well, yes, of course. But that would probably mean to give up my pursuit of the truth. Not many people understand my obsession nevertheless it can also be quite dangerous. And I can´t imagine a man I would be willing to give up my dreams for. What about you?”_ I decided it´s fair to ask him something personal in return.

 

 _“I remain single because I don´t know when will I die.”_  His answer was something I expected. But I wasn´t satisfied with it either.

 

 _“Or is it because you still love Marie? There is no need to hide the truth. You are an observant person but so am I.”_ I thoughted back on the time I saw Marie´s ribbon on his nightstand back in HQ.

 

 _“To be honest I don´t know anymore. Might be both. But I ´m also not willing to trade my goal for a family life. I want to understand how the world works.”_  If he was uncomfortable with this conversation, he didn´t show it.

 

 _“You know what?_   _That´s what I like about you. You care about something deeper. You´re not obsessed with freedom like everyone else. I personally think that one can only perceive and truly understand freedom at the moment when he loses it. But we never really had it. So how could we know how the freedom feels? We need to understand our world first… And that´s also a reason why I think you made a good choice when choosing Survey corps over Marie. Surely, she is amazing, beautiful, caring and so on, but she just doesn´t care about the world. That would make you sad. And to finish this with your resolve not to get into a relationship because you don´t know when you will die – I call that bullshit. No one knows the time of their demise. And mock my words, in your final hours you will regret not answering some of those love-letters and blow of some steam before your inevitable passing.”_ I taunted him with the last part.

 

 _“Hey! I didn´t receive any love letters!”_ His denial came too quickly to sound convincing.

 

 _“Sure thing. Nile once told me that girls from Garrison call you Commander Handsome. He was heartbroken that he wasn´t labelled with a similar nickname.”_ I smirked.

 

 _“And you think that I´m Commander Handsome?”_  It was quite rare to see him smile but now he was smirking back at me.

 

_“I think that you are Commander Eyebrows. They are truly magnificent. Maybe that´s why you survived for so long. Titans are scared that they wouldn´t be able to digest them.”_

I averted his question but in the back of my mind, I was thinking. Do I think he is handsome? I eyed him secretly. He was tall with broad shoulders, perfect blond hair, piercing blue eyes, symmetrical face … yes, he indeed was Commander Handsome, but I would never tell him that. If I´m, to be honest with myself, I must say that Erwin started to grow on me. He was smart, educated, witty and his only apparent shortcoming was this grim expression that almost never leaves his face. That was also the reason why I tried to make him smile a little bit on every occasion I had.

 

 _“That´s not how titan’s digestive system works and you know it!_ ” He corrected me.

 

 _“Well, we won´t be able to validate that hypothesis since you won´t be able to go on expeditions anymore.”_ Fuck. Way to go (Y/N). Why am I not thinking before speaking?

 

Remains of the smirk he was sporting just moments ago felt down completely. Now his face was dark and his eyes were pinned to the floor.

 

 _“I have other plans. I was thinking about proposing the mission to retake wall Maria and with that also a side mission to finally investigate Eren´s basement.”_ He said, his voice full of resolve.

 

 _“In your condition? That´s a death sentence and you know that.”_ My look was now serious.

 

 _“Just maybe... But I have to go. I promise that I will come back and tell you everything about what we´ve found there.”_ His eyes peeled off the floor and linked with mine.

 

 _“What do you mean you are going to tell me? If there will be an expedition into that basement I will be a part of it.”_  I was confused.

 

 _“I heard what doctors said about your broken leg. It will heal but you won´t be able to use it the same way as before. There will be some limitations. You can´t go on the expedition with that leg. I´m sorry.”_ He said.

I looked at him dumbfounded.

 

 _“What? At least my leg is still attached to my body. Your arm has officially left you forever. You can´t expect me to stay behind.”_ I was getting angry with his attitude.

 

 _“I can order you to stay behind. I´m still the commander. And believe me, I will do it, your death would be meaningless.”_ He was still trying to reason with me.

 

 _“I_   _can´t believe this is coming from you… You know how much would that mean for me. And believe me, I will go. I consider you my friend now, but I swear if you are going to try to stop me, I will make sure YOU won´t be going on the expedition. I know that your wound still hurts and I will convince everyone that you are not competent to lead Survey corps anymore.”_

I was so angry that I resorted to threats. Of course, I would never try to stop him if this is what he wants but I can´t let him strike me out of this. I wanted to leave and slam the door behind me, but we were confined to this room, so at least I stood up and move my body on the bed, showing him only my back.

 

\---

 

Erwin knew that (Y/N) was very angry right now. But he couldn´t help himself. He knew that he is going to die on the next expedition and he was okay with that as long as he manages to get into the basement first. But her? She doesn´t have to die. In these past few days, he also started to consider her as his friend. They were incredibly similar in so many ways but still, there was this one major difference. She wasn´t responsible for deaths of hundreds of soldiers. This was always weighing his mind. This guilt he cannot escape even in his sleep. His death was long overdue and all those soldiers were waiting for him on the other side. But she was different, she was innocent, she doesn´t have this bloody debt. She still can smile and enjoy life so it would be a shame to toss it so carelessly. He doesn´t know why he suddenly gives so much thought about her well-being. She was just another soldier. He never had a problem to condemn his soldiers to death, not even his friends. He knows it has to be done.  So, what was she to him that he had a problem with even just thinking about her demise? With these thoughts, he stood up and slowly walked to her bed. He wanted to say something, but she was quicker.

 

\---

 

 _“You know, I never wanted to use this against you, but I will if I must.”_  I heard him as he strolled to my bed. And I decided to speak first.

 

 _“Use what?”_  His voice was now concerned.

 

 _“It IS you who caused my injury. It was YOUR order and YOUR mistake. So, Erwin, you owe me a big one. And you can repay me by placing me on that mission. Understood?”_ I refused to look at him. I knew this was a hit below the belt.

 

 _“But you will probably go to your death on my order. I can´t do it.”_  His voice was only a whisper.

 

 _“That´s where you are wrong. This is my decision and my decision only. I know that you blame yourself for the deaths of many soldiers, but that was their decision too. They could´ve turned their horses, say “Fuck you, commander.” and ride the opposite direction. You are acting like it was all on your command, but they had free-will to decide whatever they wanted too. And don´t be so worried about me, I would be so pissed off if I would be the first one of us two to kick the bucket. I will take care of myself.”_ With the last part, I turned my head and chuckled at him.

 

 _“Damn, Nile told me you can be quite persuasive. Alright, you may go, but I will take you up on your word. No premature heroic death.”_ He finally agreed, seeing no other way how to persuade me.

 

_“That´s not my style. Deal.”_

 

_\---_

 

Next week was even more exciting. We got some visitors with more than interesting news. Hange came to tell us the theories about titans being, in fact, humans and also with the report of pastor Nick´s death. That forced us to create even more theories about what was government hiding from us. Erwin´s best bet was that 107 years ago all the memories were altered and that´s why we don´t have any history prior that date. He even told me a story about his father and how he died. But the motive was still unknown to us. When I asked him, what his plan was he refused to confide in me, always telling me that he doesn´t know yet. But I knew better, it has to be something dangerous. After another few days we were both discharged and Erwin was summoned by the chancellery. Our ways parted and I went back to the Survey corps HQ.

 

\---

 

One morning while I was heading to the mass hall I noticed familiar uniforms of the MP on the courtyard speaking with Hange. What the hell are they doing here?  After that Hange disappeared so it took me another two hours to finally caught up with her and ask her what was that about.

 

_“They blame Erwin for an organized murder. The Interior first squad wants him to be brought in for the questioning.”_

 

 _“What? But he is still in the Capital, or…? He can´t go with them, they are not under any control.”_ My mind was starting to panic. Interior first squad was supposed to be under the jurisdiction of MP, but I knew that even my brother held no control over them.

 

 _“He returned this morning to HQ. I told him everything and he is willing to go with them. He is probably on his way right now to meet them downstairs.”_  Hange said, clearly not approving Erwin´s decision.

 

Without a word, I turned on the heel and forced myself to sprint down the stairs and into the courtyard. There, I saw Erwin, with one of the MP soldiers. None of Interior first squad members were in sight, soldier standing next to Erwin was just their minion. I quickly inspected him and after that, I strode to them.

 

 _“Dan?”_  I turned to the soldier.  _“I need to speak with commander before you take him.”_

 

 _“Squad leader Dok? I´m afraid I can´t let you. Interior first squad orders.”_ He said, forgetting that I was no longer squad leader. Good.

 

 _“Dan. I only need one moment. As I recall you bought quite a nice house in the interior. I can only wonder where you got the money?”_  Oh, I knew very well where he got it. He was briefly working under my command and he had a share from my bribes.

 

 _“I..I.. don´t know what you are talking about.”_  He stuttered.

 

 _“You know very well and you owe me for it. Or should I report you anonymously? Just let me speak with him for three minutes.”_ I knew I can break him.

 

 _“I can´t let you be with him alone. You could compromise the investigation.”_  He said.

 

That was tougher than I thought it would be.

 

_“I won´t talk to him about the investigation. You see… we are sort of… a couple? I just want to say goodbye in the private. If you know what I mean…”_

I fought against my body, concretely against my skin turning pink. But I was lucky. Dan clearly felt even more embarrassed so he only mumbled something about three minutes. Without any hesitation, I grabbed Erwin´s healthy arm and I dragged him to the first empty room and I slammed the door behind us.

 

 _“You better start talking. And fast. What the hell is your plan? You know that Nile has no control over Interior first squad and you throw yourself to them anyway?”_   I wanted to scream at him but I was whispering instead.

 

 _“I wanted to stage coup d'etat and replace the current king with Historia.”_ He whispered calmly.

I had to force my jaw to close again.

 

 _“What? Who is on your side? Have you talked to Nile? Or Pixis? Do you have any support?”_  I was looking for any sign of confirmation that this all was just part of his plan.

 

 _“Right now, I don´t know. This will be my gamble. I already appointed Hange as a new commander if something was about to happen to me. But I have to ask you for a favour too. I fear that if everything goes wrong, they will come for the Survey corps next. You seem to have quite a lot of friends in the interior. Can you contact them and try to persuade them to support Survey corps?”_ He placed his arm on my shoulder and forced me to look him straight in the eye.

 

_“I promise I will do everything I can.”_

With that he let go of my shoulder and walked past me, leaving me in the room alone.


	9. Liars make even more promises

PART 1

My hand was slightly shaking while I signed the last letter. After that, I put it in the envelope that was before me. With a sigh, I leaned back in my chair and tucked my hand under my chin. On the desk were lying 23 white envelopes, every recipient of these letters was carefully chosen by me, but still, I could feel the dread in my guts. If any of them turn this letter to Interior first squad that would be my death sentence. I probably just have to pray that Erwin pulls some incredible stunt and I wouldn´t have to send them out. I decided it´s best if I write one letter to my brother too. He probably will be somehow involved in this mess and I wasn´t sure about his opinion on this situation. Nile was always very rational and he tends to adapt to the new situations rather quickly. But sometimes I felt that he is simply following orders he did not approve just to protect his family. His real position in MP wasn´t as strong as his rank. The letter I intend to send to him was rather noncommittal for I feared that someone might intercept it. For the most part, I was just inquiring about his family and our other relatives. But between the boring lines was a hidden message I knew my brother will find. I asked him to visit our youngest cousin and send him my regards since I won´t be able to visit him soon. We had quite a big family tree so I didn´t think someone will look into it more. The truth was that me and Nile had six cousins, originally seven. The youngest one died when he was five due to the sickness. His name was Erwin Novák. I knew that my brother will get this hint and will go see Erwin during his detention and that at least will give Erwin chance to talk to him. Although Nile´s power was limited he probably will be present during Erwin´s trial and it would be comforting for me to know that he is on Erwin´s side. After I finished the letter I took it and send it immediately, the rest of the letters I hid in my jacket.

Following this, I went to the commander´s office and sit at his table. Earlier I spoke with Hange and I offered my skills of paperwork whisperer. Since there was nothing more I could do to help Erwin´s case I resolved it would be the best if I took care of administration that piled on his desk for weeks during his recovery. I worked relentlessly for hours, filling reports and requests, changing dates so it would seem that Erwin managed to go through all of this before his arrest. The fact that Erwin lost his right arm was now playing to our advantage. No one would question the change in the handwriting because it´s logical that someone else would have to write it for him. The only crucial part was his signature and after I practiced it so many times on the blank papers I took from his desk I felt confident that no one will be able to tell the difference so I put a shaken version of his signature on every paper – he would sign his name with his left hand so I tried to forge it as perfectly imperfect as I could. Beside reports and requests, I also wrote quite a lot of the commands. Me and Hange carefully selected the way how to move Survey corps equipment and how to stationed the soldiers without looking too sketchy. That was part of our back up plan if everything goes wrong and the government decides to end this military branch forever. The light behind the windows disappeared as I worked through the night. At the dawn quite knock broke the silence of the room.

 

 _“(Y/N)?”_  I recognised Hange´s voice.

 

 _“Yes? Come in. What´s wrong?”_  My voice was tired but I pulled myself to my legs as the door opened.

 

 _“Nothing. A messenger came with a letter from your brother.”_  Hange exclaimed and walked towards the desk, clutching the small white envelope.

I was now fully awakened. I almost ripped the letter as I frantically opened the envelope to see its content. I spread the paper and quickly glanced at my brother´s writing. I skipped the parts about Marie and the kids and focused on the last part addressing our “cousin”.

 

_…. I extended your regards to our beloved cousin, but it pains me greatly to tell you that he is not doing well. His parents had forsaken him. His behaviour and his gambling will probably cost him his job and destroy him completely sooner or later. I tried to talk to him but he couldn´t explain to me why he is behaving like that. I heard that he is supposed to meet with his grandfather to ask his help but I fear that the whole family shares his parent’s opinion on him and nothing will change it. Also, do you remember Horsefly? That girl you used to play with when you were little, I can´t remember her real name, only the nickname me and the other boys gave her. I heard that the company she is working for will go bankrupt very soon. You should probably write her and offer her that she can take your room until she´s back on her feet, Marie probably wouldn´t mind since it´s your friend…_

_Best regards_

_Nile_

 

I felt my heart dropped to my stomach. Hange probably noticed that something is wrong.

 

_“Nile went to see Erwin, but I think he does not hold any hopes for him. Clearly, the government (his parents) does not intend to let him go off the hook. He has an audience with the king (his grandfather) but it will probably just be for a show… Also, I think that government is pretty settled on disbanding the Survey Corps. My brother used my old nickname that he and his stupid friends gave me when I was little to warn me that we are probably done for. He even encourages me to return home. I think he isn´t very optimistic about our odds …. So Hange, if you have any other tricks up your sleeve you should probably ready them now. Also, we must immediately dispatch all the commands I wrote today before it´s too late.”_

 

 _“Yes, we need to do it immediately. But you also need some sleep, you worked the whole day and night.”_ Hange said with a worried look.

 

_“Alright, alright let´s send these commands out first and I will go and sleep for a little.”_

After we send the commands out I went to my room and tucked myself in the bed. I seriously doubted that I will be able to fall asleep, but as soon as my head touched the pillow I drifted off. I did not dream at all I was welcomed by the darkness only.

\---

I was woken up by the bright light pouring into my bedroom. My body slowly sat up on the bed and this action was accompanied with long a yawn. What time is it? I straightened my uniform (I clearly fell asleep in it). Well, I probably look like shit anyway so it doesn’t matter if my uniform is a little bit crumpled. My legs moved on their own through the halls. It seemed that Hange and Levi left already. I was lost, absolutely and utterly lost. What should I do know? Then my thoughts wandered to Erwin. He had my trust that he will manage this situation. But still, the possibility that he will be sentenced to death was quite real too. They would probably hang him right away to avoid any riots. The image of him being taken to the gallows flashed in my mind. After that, I made my choice. I need to be there; I need to know as soon as possible if this goes south. I need to be there for him... I went back to my room and I changed my clothes. A plain dress wouldn´t attract as much attention as Survey corps uniform, I also took a scarf to hide my face if needed. After the change, my steps went straight to the stables and to my horse. It took only half an hour to arrive in the city centre. The gallows were already built in its middle. My mouth went completely dry as the voices of people around me all talked about Commander Erwin´s execution and Survey corps disbandment. Again, my legs took command of my body and I ended up in front of the palace that held the meeting between Erwin and the king. I forced my way into the first row of the waiting crowds. It felt like forever, standing there, my mind was completely blank. Loud murmur erupted from the crowd as the front gate to the palace opened. I saw a group of military higher-ups pouring out of the palace. In their mids I saw Erwin, his face battered, but as I looked closely he wasn´t constricted in chains. Nile was walking beside him supporting his side a little bit. It felt like a mountain was lifted off my chest. The procession stopped in front of us and my brother stepped forward. I heard only parts of his speech. Coup, a new government, false king, ending of the oppression… I didn´t care at that moment about any of this. My eyes were fixed on Erwin. He was looking at Nile and sometimes he glanced at the crowd before him. During one of these glances, he finally spotted me. I smiled at him faintly as I mouthed  _“You look terrible.”_  I wasn´t sure if he comprehended my message so I stayed silent after that, but our eyes never parted. After all the speeches and announcements were done the crowd slowly started to disband. I didn´t hesitate for a second as I climbed over the barricade that was holding the crowd in its place just a moments ago. One of the soldiers tried to stop me but I forced my way around him, quickly jogging to Nile´s and Erwin´s side.

 

 _“Nile!”_  I shouted as I grabbed his arm.

He looked at me, eyes filled with a surprise.

 

 _“What are you doing here (Y/N)? I thought you would stay in Survey corps HQ or – if you heed my advice – at my house.”_ He pulled me closer to a quick hug.

 

 _“I wanted to be here to see how this whole mess ends.”_ I turned my focus on Erwin.  _“Now I know why you lost your arm. You needed that sleeve empty to fill it with a trick like this.”_

To my great surprise, Erwin didn´t seem happy about the recent events. As we resumed the walk I was separated from him by other military officials. He was clearly on his way somewhere with commander-in-chief Zackly. Nile nodded at me, gesturing that I should go with him, leaving them behind.

 

 _“Erwin!”_  I felt like a complete idiot. What did I want from him? Even my brother turned his head, surprised at my sudden outburst. In fact, everyone stopped and looked at me.

 

 _“Can I talk to you for a second, commander?”_  I continued, dooming my fate even further. Yeah, I will be remembered as that weird girl who wants a minute with the Commander Handsome.

 

 _“Alright.”_  Was the only answer Erwin muttered, clearly taken aback by my request. With that, he slowly moved to the side.

My brain almost fried itself as I was thinking about the reason why I wanted to speak with him. After a few steps, I reached my destination in front of the commander.

 

 _“What do you need me to do?”_ I was surprised by my question. Nice safe (Y/N).

Erwin was also quite surprised by my straight-to-the point question.

 

 _“You know the nobility, don´t you?”_  He asked after a few seconds of thinking.

 

 _“Yes. Their parties always have free booze and lots of food. I never missed a chance to get myself invited.”_ I chuckled at my response.

 

 _“I will probably gather Survey corps and we will go to the Reiss Chapel, but I need you to go and figure out who can we trust in the ranks of the nobility. Who is with the king, who is against the government, if they are willing to support Historia and so on. I already told Nile that we should sort this out as soon as possible.”_ He instructed me silently.

 

So, he is ordering me to stay behind. I looked at my feet only to take a glance at his hand in the process. His wrist was bleeding. He was apparently chained and the metal must have scraped his skin off. I took the scarf I had with me and folded it, after that, I held Erwin´s hand and wrapped the cloth around the wounded skin. He did not try to stop me or flinch at my touch so I proceeded.

 

 _“You like to live dangerously, don´t you?”_  It was more exclamation than an actual question, so I didn´t expect any response from him.

 

“ _What did you try to say when you were in the crowd in front of the palace?”_  He asked instead.

 

 _That you look terrible…_   _”That I was glad to see you are alive.”_ I opted for a merciful lie.

 

 _“Liar.”_  He chuckled.

Only after that, I realised that I was still holding his hand. With a step back I quickly let go of him, hoping no one noticed that.

 

 _“Stay safe, commander.”_  I saluted and turned to leave.

 

_“Thank you.”_

I didn´t look back, but I smiled at his response as I went to join my brother again.

 

Nile leaned over and whispered in my ear.

 

 _“Do you have hots for Eyebrows? Almost unable to keep your hands off him?”_  He teased with a smirk.

My face was slowly turning red as I stepped on his foot with the full force.

 

_“You are stupid.”_

 

 _“Horsefly has a crush.”_  He sang, earning himself another painful stomp on his leg.

 

PART 2

I spend next few days doing rounds in the magnificent mansions of humanity’s wealthiest. I interviewed every important nobleman, taking notes of their responses and their opinions. Every report also included my personal opinion on that person. It took me almost five days to complete the task given. In the meantime, Survey corps engaged and killed Rod Reiss in his titan form and ultimately proved the theory about humanity´s altered memories. After that, the coronation of Historia was scheduled. To my great distaste, it was held on the same day as my birthday. The spoiled younger sibling in me was agitated that we won´t have a birthday party but on the other hand, the drinks will be on our new queen. Nile took a day off and we went to his house to get a celebratory lunch. I also received gifts, most notably my dear innocent brother stole one of the forbidden books that were confiscated from Interior first squad and gave it to me with the large bow on top of it. The time we spend with Marie and the kids was unfortunately short because we had to move to the coronation. I bought a dress for this occasion and I was quite eager to put it on (just imagine your dress of choice;)). Besides the drinks and the food, I was also looking forward to reuniting with the Survey Corps, I was contemplating what Hange is going to wear the whole trip from Nile´s house to the Royal Palace. As soon as we arrived Nile disappeared when he saw some of his friends in the crowd. With a sigh I went inside the coronation hall, picking us quite a good seats for this show. I was now officially bored, my brother ditched me on my birthday and this event won´t start for another twenty minutes or so. I looked around, I was sitting on the last chair in the row, next to me was this gigantic cupboard filled with glass and ceramic statues and other nonsenses. One of them was particularly ugly. Trashy looking statue of the horse was looking at me from the shelf closest to me. I intended to turn it the other direction so I wouldn´t have to stare at it for the whole time, but I managed to knock it out of the shelf instead. With the horror, I looked around, but the buzz in the room was so loud that no one noticed the shattering sound. With a relief, I stuck out one of my legs and began to move the shards under the cupboard with the help of my foot. Suddenly hot air brushed against my ear, immediately followed by the voice.

 

 _“Plundering the place already?”_  A familiar voice said.

I turned my head to look at Erwin who was now standing at my back, leaning over me. His face was just millimetres away from mine, the small smirk was playing on his lips. I was quite surprised by his expression since I was expecting his usual grim and brooding face.

 

 _“It was an accident!”_ I defended myself.

 

 _“And now you are cleaning up the evidence.”_  He continued.

 

 _“It was ugly anyway…But look at you, stalking innocent young ladies and scaring them.”_ I went on the counter-attack.

 

 _“Innocent young ladies? Here?”_ He faked confused look.

 

 _“Who are you and what you did to the commander?”_  I´ve never seen him joking around like that.

He went around and sat down on my right side.

 

 _“I met Nile by the entrance so we had a drink or two.”_ He said.

 

 _“I hope I won´t have to drag my brother back home this time. Today he is your responsibility too.”_  I looked around, trying to catch the glimpse of my brother.

 

 _“I think that today we should be the ones to carry you home since it´s your birthday.”_ He reached into his jacket for something and pulled a dark red box with the ribbon of the same colour.

 

 _“You know it´s my birthday today? And even more, you got me a gift?”_ I was shocked, shocked and flattered.

 

 _“This?”_  He held the box in front of me.  _“It´s just some cleaning stuff Levi ordered.”_  He teased.

 

 _“Haha,”_  I exclaimed, reaching for the box and prying it out of his hand.

I opened the box to see its content. Inside was a small pendant on the silver chain. It was a smaller version of the key that Eren was wearing all the time. An evil smirk was now etched on my face.

 

 _“What´s this? Key to your sense of humour? That´s really small you know…”_  Payback time. I looked at him, only to see that his playful smile was now gone and his standard serious expression found its way back on his face.

 

 _“During our time in the infirmary, you made a promise that you won´t die before I do. So, I think I should promise you something in return. I promise that I will take you to the basement and we will find out the truth together. And I thoughted that replica of Eren´s key is a nice metaphor for that. And for the record, my sense of humour is great.”_ He ended his speech and looked at me.

 

I probably resembled a fish taken out of the water. My lips parted, eyes large with a surprise. What was this about? In the past few days I came to the terms that I might have a small crush on commander Erwin but what does this mean? Does he feel any similar feelings towards me? Or was he thinking of me as a really good friend? I silently looked back at the gift. It was very beautiful. He probably spent quite a lot of money at the silversmith.

 

_“I don’t know what to say, this is truly…”_

My sentence was cut short by Nile.

 

 _“What are you doing here?”_  My brother said suspiciously.

 

I hid the box behind my back.  _“Nothing… just talking about our favourite Commander Goatie.”_  Erwin´s laugh erupted from my side… He probably never heard about the nickname I gave to my brother when he became the commander.

 

 _“Oh save it Commander Eyebrows and you too Horsefly.”_ With that, he sat next to Erwin.

 

If he wanted to push the matter further he didn´t get the chance, because the event started. And it was a complete drag. I looked at Historia and even she seemed to be bored with the long speeches and all of the formalities. In the beginning, I was sitting as a proper lady would, but after an hour or so of total boredom, I became more sluggish, stretching out my legs, cracking my neck and dropping my hands to the sides. At the latter, I was surprised as my hand touched a foreign one. But I didn´t pull away from the touch, I kept my eyes on the ceremony and waited for any reaction. To my amazement the hand I was slightly touching didn´t flinch either, instead, it grabbed mine and intertwined our fingers together. It took every ounce of my mental strength to keep my eyes fixed forward even though there was nothing I wanted more than to see Erwin´s expression right now. I gently caressed his hand with my thumb and he tightened his grip in response. With this distraction, the coronation proceeded rather quickly, I ALMOST wished for it to never end. After they proclaimed our new queen, everyone in the room stood up so we had to let go of each other’s hands and clap instead. After that, we watched Queen Historia´s walk through the aisle, as soon as the doors shut after Historia my brother turned to us.

 

 _“Are we going to the banquet?”_ He asked without any idea what was happening just moments ago.

 

 _“Yes. It would be an insult if we didn´t attend.”_  Erwin told my brother without any hesitation.

 

 _“I will catch you in a minute. Just go ahead.”_  I waved at them to go and I turned to go the opposite direction.

 

As I cut the corner I pressed my back against the cold wall. What the hell am I doing? What the hell am I thinking? I´m not fifteen anymore. I thoughted Erwin was against starting any sort of relationship because of the nature of his job and his life in general. So, what changed? Was it the vision of gallows? Or me? I had so many questions. As I was thinking I looked on my left arm which was still holding the gift from Erwin. With trembling fingers, I opened to box to look at the necklace once again. I traced my fingers along the cold metal and after that, I picked it up from the box. Quickly, I fastened it around my neck. After that, I took a big breath and stepped back into the main corridor.

\---

The Banquet room was exquisite. I saw my brother waving at me from one of the tables so I went that way. Nile nodded at one of the chairs next to him so I sat on it.

 

 _“We already snitched some bottles. What do you think?”_  He grinned as he pointed to the side of the table.

 

 _“I say I´m ready to start.”_  I grinned back at him.

With that my brother took one of the bottles and poured three glasses, handing one to me, one to Erwin and keeping the last one for himself.

 

_“To the most stubborn sister ever.”_

Well, Nile´s toasts were never good ones, but I let it slipped just this one time. Fortunately, during the evening, we made the whole bunch of other ones. Around the midnight all three of us were quite drunk.

 

 _“I should go home. Marie will be angry.”_  Nile said and to prove his point he slammed his glass on the table.

 

 _“Commander being commanded by his beloved one.”_  I laughed.

 

 _“Hey! I´m a grown man! I can do whatever I want.”_  He pointed his finger at me angrily.

 

 _“Except staying out the night and drinking with your family and friends.”_ I poured him another glass and drink up mine.

 

 _“You are drunk my dear sister and you will go with me.”_  He refused the glass I poured him, so I took it instead.

 

 _“No. I´m staying. I can crash at my old flat.”_ I refused my brother.

 

“ _You still keep the apartment here in the centre. I thoughted you sold it.”_  Nile was trying to focus on my face.

 

 _“Nah, I think the prices will only go up. So, I wrote in my will that my apartment will go to my dear nephews and niece. It should help them to get on their own feet when the time comes.”_ It was true. I always intended this real-estate property as an investment and my final gift for Nile´s children.

 

Nile was silent after that, he stood up and left the table. He was probably super angry that I spoke about my death. As my older brother, he probably refused that idea completely. I turned to Erwin.

 

 _“Did I say something wrong?”_  I asked and took a big sip from my glass.

 

 _“Probably. But he´s correct, you should go to sleep soon.”_  He said taking my glass from my hand.

 

 _“Come.”_  He then proceeded to lift me up to my legs.

I protested at first, but after a while, I admitted that I had enough so I let Erwin lead me out of the palace into the night.

 

 _“You don´t have to escort me home, I´m okay enough to make the trip safely. You should go back and have more fun.”_  I didn´t want to ruin the only evening during which Erwin loosened a little bit.

 

 _“No. I insist.”_  With that, he moved me to his left side so if I trip over my legs he would be able to catch me.

As we walked through the night I was thinking. Should I ask him something? Was I too drunk to ask him something? But my brain apparently worked slower than my mouth.

 

 _“Erwin? What was today about? The gift, the “thing” during the ceremony. I´m confused.”_  There it was.

 

He sighed.  _“I don´t really know. The only thing that I know is that I really like to spend my time with you and if the circumstances were different I even might ask you out on a date. But I´m still the commander of the Survey Corps. I can´t let my emotions get best of me as it happened today. We have a mission to fulfil.”_

 

I understood his point. We both needed our head clear for upcoming months. But on the other hand, I was glad he admitted that he harboured some feelings towards me.

 

 _“You know what? How about another promise. If we manage to survive the mission to retake wall Maria we will go on a dinner together… or something like that. Until then we are best friends.”_  I proposed.

 

 _“Deal.”_  He said as we rounded the corner to my house.

 

 _“Do you want to sleep over? I have a guest room, so you won´t have to go home alone.”_ I offered without any side intentions and I expected he will turn down my offer.

 

_“That would be very kind of you. Thank you.”_

 

He surprised me once more tonight, but without any other word I led him into my apartment and I started to prepare his bed. I never thoughted that I would come back here so everything was packed in the boxes alongside the walls. I made his bed and turned to him.

 

 _“Do you maybe want to talk for a while before sleeping?”_  I wasn´t that tired so I hoped that he will agree.

 

 _“Yes, why not.”_  He told me as he sat down on the bed.

 

So, I sat on the other side and I started to boast about the newest addition to my book collection. We talked for another hour and the sleep was finally getting too caught up with me. During our chat, I changed my position from sitting to half-laying to fully sprawling across the lower half of the bed. Erwin, on the other hand, had his back propped against the head of the bed and he didn´t move around much. It was harder and harder to keep the eyes open so at one point I completely gave up and closed my eyes just for a moment. Of course, before I knew it I fell asleep completely.

 

* * *

 

A/N Too cheesy?:D I´m sorry (not sorry).


	10. Happiness

This chapter will mostly be a collection of short drabbles about interactions between the reader and the commander.

 

After the coronation, we moved to Survey Corps HQ again. With the research that was taken from First interior squad new ways to defeat Titans began to be constructed, most notably the Titan guillotine. Still, I knew that this is not going to be enough for Erwin. He slowly started some preparation for a retake of Wall Maria. That also meant quite a lot of paperwork, so I appointed myself as his assistant, which he didn´t object. We spend a lot of the time together now every day so we had an opportunity to get to know each other even better. We both knew what we promised, so we kept our relationship on the friendly bases with the occasional cheating which consisted of prolonging gazes and “accidental” touches. I soon found out that Erwin is clearly unable to rest, damn workaholic, that´s why I made it my personal mission to take care of him a little. I forced him to take a break and I also tried to make him enjoy life a little bit. For example, this Friday we finished all the paperwork, my hand hurt like hell from all the writing so I was just sitting now, watching Erwin´s furrowed brows behind some papers he was holding. I looked around me and I spotted some messed up forms I intended to throw out. I took one of the papers and crumbled it into the shape of a ball, then, with an absolute precision I pointed it between the commander´s brows and I launched my attack. It was a perfect hit.

 

 _“What are you doing?”_  He grunted and dropped the paper a little bit to look at me.

 

 _“Just trying to smack that grim expression off your face…”_ I retorted.

 

 _“Come on, you have your annoying moment again?”_  He sighed.

 

It was true that sometimes I was a little bit annoying. I was a little sister; it was in my blood anyways. I didn´t get my nickname “Horsefly” without a reason. 

 

 _“We already finished everything. We should take some rest. What should we do on the weekend? We can go visit Nile and the kids. I think they would be happy that there is someone else they can torture…”_ I suggested.

 

One thing I learned about Erwin was, that he didn´t have any family anymore so he never took a break to enjoy some free time away from the HQ. We both knew how dangerous the next mission will be and I wanted him to at least experience some sort of carefreeness before we depart, just in case.

 

 _“I have a work to do, but you should go.”_  His answer didn´t surprise me just one bit.

 

 _“Liar. I double-checked. We already finished everything that needs to be done till Sunday. And we can´t plan much further the mission to retake Maria till the guillotine is build and tested.  You are just scared of children. Admit it! … Or you want to stay and be forced by Levi to clean the whole castle?”_  I wasn´t going to give up that easily.

 

There was a moment of silence. I could almost see how he waged both of his options.

 

 _“Fine, we can go. But I want to be back as soon as possible on Sunday.”_ He gave up. The thing about me that he learned since we started our friendship was, that there was no point in arguing with me.

 

 _“Great. I will send Nile a message. You should prepare some cool explanation for your missing arm, boys will ask.”_ With that, I stood up and went to write a message to inform my brother that I´m taking Erwin with me.

 

\---

 

Saturday morning was quite hectic for both of us. Erwin had to inform Levi and Hange that they have to take care of the HQ and preferably keep it in a one piece till we come back. To be honest, Hange probably suspect that me and Erwin might have something going on between us, but she never questioned me or Erwin about it. That´s probably just a matter of a time anyway. After everything was settled, we took our horses and made our way to my brother´s home. To be completely honest I was a little bit nervous since there also will be Marie. Was it a sting of fear? Or was I jealous? I was probably afraid that Erwin still had some feelings for her, and I knew that I can´t compete with her. She was a feminine fairy, I was more like annoying, talkative brat. Was it a good idea to invite Erwin? I wasn´t sure anymore. My expression probably mirrored my inner struggle because even the rider next to me took notice of it.

 

 _“Are you okay? You look… well, probably as I do usually.”_  Erwin said.

 

 _“Yeah… I just… remembered something.”_  I shook my head to make my thoughts go away.

 

 _“It´s just you are always so upbeat, it´s weird to see you like that.”_ He continued.

 

 _“Someone has to be. Otherwise, you wouldn´t smile at all.”_  I exclaimed.

 

 _“I´m sorry… it´s just a way I am.”_  Erwin apologized.

 

 _“Yeah… you are damaged goods, I will ask for a refund. Don´t worry.”_  With that, I extended my arm and smacked his back a little bit.

 

He knew that I like to poke some jokes on him from time to time. Sometimes, to my surprise, he even returned the favour.

 

 _“Will you get your money back or will you ask for another commander?”_  He joked. Today was my lucky day.

 

 _“You know me, I will ask for both.”_ With that, I urged my horse to gallop.

 

\---

 

After we arrived I was immediately overrun by my nephews and niece.

 

_“What did you bring us!”_

 

_“Yes! You brought us some gifts??!”_

 

 _“Pleaaaase!”_  They screamed at each other.

 

To be honest, I didn´t have much time to do the shopping, so I quickly thoughted some excuse.

 

 _“I captured a titan for you.”_  I pointed my finger at Erwin, with a sly smirk.

 

Erwin was one of the tallest men I ever met, so I hoped that his height will distract them for a moment.

 

 _“Wow! He is so tall. How did you manage to capture him?”_ They asked as they let go of me, moving their forces on Erwin instead.

 

 _“But he is missing one arm!”_  The younger one screamed as he tried to climb Erwin´s right side.

 

 _“Yes, because your aunt bit it off.”_  Erwin said in a serious voice.

 

 _“Really aunt (Y/N)? And did you eat it afterwards?”_  The little girl asked me with eyes widened in shock.

 

 _“Of course I didn´t I took it with me, so your mom can prepare it for a dinner!”_  I went to her and took her off Erwin´s left hand.

 

 _“(Y/N)! Do you know, that they are going to tell these stories in their kindergarten? How am I supposed to explain it afterwards?”_ Nile´s voice cut the air as he stepped out of the front door.

 

 _“I´m so sorry. I couldn´t resist. Come on monkeys, let´s go inside. I didn´t bring any gifts this time, but I heard that there is a fair in the city. How about we go there after the lunch and you can choose whatever you want.”_ I turned to the boys as they still tried to climb on Erwin´s shoulders.

 

My offer was accepted with a loud whoop. After that, I placed my niece back on the ground as she and her brothers sprinted inside the house. I waited for Erwin to catch up with me.

 

 _“Titans are less scary, right?”_  I joked.

 

\---

 

During the lunch, I watched Erwin´s interaction with Marie. He was very polite, complimenting her on her cooking skills and how beautiful the house was but nothing more. I hoped that neither my brother or his wife noticed the relieved expression on my face. After the lunch kids went to change their clothes and I turned to my brother.

 

 _“I promised them I will take them to the fair, is it okay?”_ I asked.

 

 _“Yeah, no problem. Actually... would you mind to take them with Erwin alone? We could use some alone time with Marie.”_ Nile answered with a pleading look.

 

 _“No problem, right uncle?”_  I shifted my gaze to Erwin. Trying to convince myself that by “alone time” he meant that they will take a nap.

 

 _“I don´t know if I´m supposed to take care of three children or four.”_  He said with a laugh, that was soon welcomed by laughs of both Marie and Nile. And my angry face.

 

\---

 

As soon as the children were ready we went to the city. I took my niece on the shoulders, while Erwin volunteered to carry the younger boy. The fair was filled with the children and their parents and tons of different stalls and kiosks filled with everything that heart of a young child could desire. In a nutshell, I wanted to buy everything. My dear young relatives wanted to go to the “Titan´s lair” first. It was supposed to be something like a scary-house where actors try to frighten the children, and they must complete the journey to be rewarded with some candy. I paid for their entrance and the cashier told me that we should pick them up in about twenty minutes.

 

 _“What about you, commander? Do you want to take a spin on a carousel? Or should I buy you some cotton candy? Or should we try our luck at the shooting range?”_ I gave him his options.

 

 _“We are military, we should make shooting range go bankrupt.”_  He proposed.

 

So, we went to the nearest stall. The rules were simple. If we hit at least three targets from the five possible we will get a reward. The thing we didn´t realize earlier was, that the rifle can´t be held very well with only one arm. For a moment, I saw Erwin´s look of disappointment before he hid it before me. Without a word, I took the rifle and handed it to him. I stepped to his side, placing my left arm around his waist for a support. Then I helped him to prop the rifle against his healthy shoulder and I held the rifle in the place. He placed his fingers on the trigger and moved us a little bit to get a better aim. With this cooperation, we managed to shot four out of the five possible targets, which earned us medium size prize. I went to check our possibilities but I knew that nothing would compare to the opportunity to be in such a close proximity to Erwin for three whole minutes. I spotted a small pin of a fly lying among the rest of the prizes. I took it with a smile and turned to Erwin.

 

 _“I´ve picked you something.”_  With that, I went to him and pinned the fly on his sleeve.  _“Now you will have something to annoy you all the time.”_

 

 _“Do I have to wear it?”_  He chuckled.

 

 _“All the time, it´s your lucky charm now. Come on, don´t be a bore… Also, we should head back to pick up the monkeys.”_ I chuckled back.

 

With that I turned to go back to the “Titan´s lair”, soon followed by Erwin. We got there just in time to see the children exit the attraction. As soon as Nile´s children spotted us in the crowd they ran to us rambling how “not scary at all” that was. Next thing they wanted to try was a carousel I offered Erwin earlier and they also wanted to go and see a puppet show. I let them lead the way so they were completely happy. After the puppet show, we went to do a little bit of a souvenir shopping, so they were running all over the place picking up toys and other trinkets. I wasn´t able to say “no” to them so I just paid for everything.

 

 _“That´s not very responsible, you know.”_  Erwin reprimanded me.

 

 _“Well, just look at their cute faces. I can´t say “no” to them. I´m their favourite aunt_. _It´s just a little bit of a spoiling. And don´t behave like a responsible parent anyways! You should be my partner-in-crime.”_ I defended myself.

 

 _“Someone has to be. Otherwise, you will ruin their morale and also if you let them run around like this you can endanger their safety too.”_  He retorted.

 

 _“So you are going to be one of those strict, unpopular dads.”_ I elbowed him in the ribs.

 

 _“But I will keep our children alive.”_  He shot back.

 

After his last sentence, there was a moment of silence. He was probably shocked by his own statement and I was lost on words for a good ten seconds.

 

 _“We are planning hypothetical children now? You skipped some steps, mister.”_ I decided to take it lightly.

 

 _“No… just… let it slide just this one time. I sometimes think about unlikely future too.”_ He was staring at the ground before him.

 

I didn´t press the matter any further, but deep down I was more than flattered. As much as all the circumstances were against us, it was nice to know that he had some secret hopes and wishes too.

 

\--- THIS PART WILL CONTAIN SWEAR WORDS, SO BEWARE ---

 

Around 6 pm we headed back to Nile´s home. Me and Erwin both carrying bags filled with all the nonsense children had picked up. At home, my brother also gave me a speech about spoiling his kids, but it wasn´t as bad as I imagined. Marie prepared another delicious meal, so we went to stuff our bellies. After the dinner, I proposed that we could go to the pub, maybe have a drink. Nile nodded enthusiastically, but his happiness was soon crushed by Marie´s voice.

 

 _“You have to put the children to bed and after that, you promised you will repair the sink in the second bathroom, also we are going to visit my mother tomorrow and I don´t want you to go there with a hangover.”_  Her uncompromising voice crushed my brother´s hopes.

 

I fought a giggle that was threatening to escape my lips, but I also shot a sympathetic look towards my brother.

 

 _“But Marie…”_  Nile continued.

 

 _“Come on, let them solve this. We can go ahead and if your brother obtains a permit he can join us later.”_  Erwin suggested.

 

I nodded in response following him quietly out of the house. In front of the house, I took the lead because I assumed that I have a better knowledge about nearest bars and pubs. I choose one I went quite a lot of times with my brother and with other friends. It was a really nice pub in the centre, not some shabby tavern, but a rather nice establishment where the upper class spend their evenings. We were lucky since they had a free table for us, so we sat and ordered right away. 

 

 _“Did you like it today?”_  I asked, genuinely interested in Erwin´s answer.

 

 _“Yes, very much so. I never had any similar experience as this. It was fun. Also, it was interesting to see how different my life could´ve been if I chose a different path.”_ He said.

 

 _“Yeah… but I guess we are not really suited for that sort of life. At least not right now.”_ I was pretty sure he was thinking the same.

 

 _“I agree.”_  He confirmed.

 

After that we stayed silent for a couple of minutes, only sipping the drinks we ordered. Finally, I opened my mouth to say something but I stopped when I saw familiar face by the door. There he was. One of my past liaisons. To say that our relationship ended on the bad terms wouldn´t do it justice. He was the one who introduced me to the world of bribery. As a son of a nobleman he knew some very important people which needed help here and there, so we decided that we will mix business and pleasure and for a time it somehow worked. We hit the rocks when I found out he was cheating on me with several other girls. Back then, I was sad but also my pride was badly wounded. So, I went to his apartment and took all the money we amassed together leaving only a note that he can send my regards to Sofia, Nataly, Lora, Gabrielle and his other whores. Since the money was not earned with an honest work, he couldn´t press any charges. From time to time he tried to indirectly screw me over, but his plans always failed. But this was the first time we´ve seen each other in person since our split.

 

I darted my eyes back to Erwin, but I saw with my peripheral vision that David is marching to our table already.

 

 _“I´m sorry…”_  Was the only thing I managed to say to Erwin before someone stopped next to our table.

 

 _“(Y/N)? Is that really you? You look a little bit… worn out.”_ Icy voice of my ex-proclaimed.

 

 _“Hi, David! Still a gentleman I see.”_  I retorted, bringing my eyes up to meet his dark ones. He was still handsome as ever, tall with a dark hair just a little bit too long and black dangerous eyes. He was a prototype of the troublemaker every girl will fall for at one point of the time.

 

 _“I´ve heard that you joined Survey corps. I thoughted it was because you lost your mind completely, but clearly, you decided to screw some invalids there.”_  With that, he looked at Erwin.

 

 _“Stop it. Cut to the chase, what do you want?”_  I said before Erwin could raise his voice.

 

 _“Not denying, huh? Well, I think you know what I want … I want my money back. But If you are tired of this cripple we can  also go to my place and reminiscent of the good old times a little.”_  He finished the sentence with a seductive smile.

 

I had to stop Erwin with a warning look before I shifted my attention back to David.

 

 _“Your money?”_ I laughed.  _“You mean MY money. I did all the dirty, dangerous work… oh no, wait you did some dirty work too… What were their names? I can´t remember. You chose the whores; I chose the cash. Deal with it. Or should I write a letter to you dear father, informing him on some of your endeavours?”_ I stood up to face him.

 

 _“You wouldn´t dare you, you little bitch.”_ He grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer. I heard the chair Erwin was sitting at rustling, as he shot to his feet too and place his arm on David´s shoulder.

 

 _“Try me.”_ I whispered, yanking my hand from him.

 

He let go of me, smacking Erwin´s hand in the progress.

 

 _“You are going to regret this.”_  He said as a farewell.

 

I exhaled with a relief. Then I looked at Erwin. Oh my god, what he must be thinking of me right now.

 

 _“I´m so sorry you had to witness this…”_  I proceed to tell him the whole story.  _“I was young and naïve and I thoughted that I love him… It was a big mistake, all of it.”_  I concluded, not even making an eye contact with Erwin.

 

He was always so well put together, so honourable, he wasn´t someone who would make mistakes as I did. I was scared what is he going to think of me after this. I gulped. He must have seen through me because he took my hand and forced me to look at him.

 

 _“Don´t worry about this… He is clearly an ass.”_  He said.

 

I blinked in surprise.

 

 _“Thanks.”_  I said in return.

 

After this, we drank in silence. It was not typical for me to stay so silent and grim so we decided to call it a night.

\---

Back at my brother´s place, we snuck into the living room. There was a pillow and the blanket readied for Erwin on the sofa. I slumped onto the fresh linen and Erwin sat next to me. I was so tired but I still had to climb the stairs to the guest room. At least that was my plan, until Erwin pulled me to his side, resting my head on his shoulder. I didn´t object, so he grabbed the blanket and covered us with it. After that, we moved into more comfortable sleeping position. At that moment, I didn´t even care what my brother is going to think about us if he´s going to find us like this. I was just happy.


	11. Our decisions

Another big difference between me and Erwin was that I always enjoyed sleeping in until noon when I got a chance. So, when he started to shift next to me around five an o´clock I wasn´t happy at all. I squeezed my eyes shut and yawned.

 

 _“Erwin? What the hell are you doing…? It´s still a night.”_  I mumbled as I tried to stop him from getting up.

 

 _“It´s already quarter past five, we should head back to the HQ.”_  He whispered.

 

 _“…what? ALREADY?”_  I faked a shocked gasp.  _“Erwin… I´m sorry, I don´t think we can be friends anymore, also I want to resign from Survey corps immediately … and please close the door behind you. Good night.”_ I turned to the other side as I stretched the blanket over my head.

 

 _“Come on … maybe there are some leftovers from the yesterday´s dinner…”_  He shook my arm lightly.

There was a moment of silence, the blanket still covered my face.

 

 _“Even the dessert?”_  I asked.

 

 _“If there is any, it´s all yours.”_  He answered.

With a sigh, I tossed the blanket to my side and sat up on the sofa.

 

 _“Wow, you know how to manipulate people, don´t you?”_  I exclaimed with another yawn.

 

 _“I learned from the best.”_  He smiled as he walked into the kitchen.

After another few minutes, I followed him there.

 

 _“Do you know how to cook?”_  I leaned against one of the cupboards and I watched Erwin as he prepared the breakfast with his left hand.

 

 _“No. That´s not something military would teach you.”_  He replied without looking at me.

 

 _“So there is something even the mighty commander can´t do.”_  I teased him and then continued.  _“Nevertheless, we are screwed, because I can´t cook either.”_

 

I peeled off of the cupboard and went to his side, our shoulders slightly touching. He handed me a plate with a slice of the yesterday´s cake. As I was about to dig in it I heard some noise behind us, it was Nile. He seemed very sleepy.

 

 _“What are you doing up so early? I didn´t even hear you walking down the stairs…”_  My brother said as he walked closer to us. Then he stopped and looked at me.  _“In fact, I didn´t hear you come up the stairs either.”_  Now he had a suspicious look.

 

 _“I fell asleep downstairs.”_  I saw no point in denying the truth.

 

 _“Oh really?”_  Nile shot his gaze to Erwin _. “I need to speak with (Y/N). Alone.”_

 

To my great surprise, Erwin cleared the battlefield faster than I could say “Titan”. Without any warning, my brother cornered me between the kitchen table and the sink.

 

 _“What the hell are you thinking? I thoughted this was just one of your harmless little crushes. But you can´t be serious about him.”_  He whispered, clearly because he wanted to keep this conversation as private as possible.

 

 _“Nothing happened geez… calm your horses. Besides, you have absolutely no right to give me this lecturing. I´m an adult already.”_  I whispered back with an angry tone.

 

 _“He has many MANY enemies. He also lost his arm, so he will probably have to give up his position as commander soon enough. I know him, without his expeditions he will become sour and sullen. And you would probably try to help him, but I can promise you, you wouldn´t be successful. He loves his expeditions above anything else. Even you wouldn´t be able to fully substitute for this.”_ Nile continued.

 

 _“He is not giving up the expeditions. We are both going to the next one.”_  I was kind of a hurt by my brother´s comment, that I wouldn´t be able to replace Erwin´s love for the expeditions.

With my statement, Nile paled considerably.

 

 _“You can´t be serious. He will die there and you might too.”_  His voice wasn´t a whisper anymore.

 

 _“Nile. Don´t.”_  I warned him.

 

 _“No… Don´t Nile me on this. You can´t go with him, you WON´T go with him. I will not let you toss your life so carelessly for that man’s foolish dream. I already came to the terms that Erwin probably won´t return one day, but I can´t let that happen to my sister.”_ He raised his finger, the same way as he does when he scolds his children.

 

 _“It´s not just his dream. If we want to find out the truth, we have to go there and check it for ourselves! I want to be on the next expedition, no matter the cost. There is no changing in my decision.”_ With that, I forced my way around him.

I didn´t look back. With an angry face and teary eyes, I marched through the front door. Behind them was Erwin, propped against the wall.

 

 _“Are you okay?”_  Was his only question.

 

 _“No.”_ I managed to say.

 

With that, he pulled me into a hug. I almost never fought with my brother, not seriously at least, so this wasn´t easy for me. After a few minutes, I pulled myself from Erwin´s embrace, trying very hard to put my normal care-free look on my face in the progress.

 

 _“We should probably go train tomorrow. So, we can show my brother that we are more than capable to survive next expedition.”_ I exclaimed as I straightened my clothes.

 

 _“Deal.”_  Erwin said.

 

\---

 

 

After our arrival, we found the HQ standing. Erwin went straight to his office and I soon followed him to help him. In the late afternoon, we decided we should go and train a little bit. Other cadets already finished their session, so the training forest was empty now. Erwin already taught himself how to strap a harness with only one hand but the true problem came up when he tried to attach his 3DMG. He had his slightly altered for him, so he could use it only with one hand, but the principle was fairly similar. I watched him struggle for a minute and after that, I went to his rescue. He accepted my help without any word so I, for once, kept my mouth shut too. After that, we were ready to go so we strolled down the HQ and headed to the training forest. We also agreed that today will be more like re-adjusting training, that meant no slaying of the dummy Titans, only practising our moves on 3DMG. Again, without any word spoken we launched into the forest. Of course, I kept an eye on Erwin the whole time. And it wasn´t good at all. He even felt two or three times. After an hour or so he finally managed to get at least some control, but it was far from the skills he will need during the battle. As for me, I was now better than Erwin by miles, but to compare my current level to the one I had before was simply not possible. My landings were sloppy and every time I had to put more force on my left leg the pain shot through it like a flash and that caused my stamina drop fast as hell. My mood couldn´t be worse so I ended my training in just about two hours, after that I waited for Erwin at the entrance of the training forest. When he finally came out I saw in his eyes the same feeling I was experiencing right now – doubt. For the first time, I had to seriously consider the option that I won´t be able to even reach Eren´s basement, that I probably will be one of the first to die out there and that Erwin will probably soon follow the same path as I.

 

 _“Well, we both know that this was bad.”_  I said, looking at him.

 

 _“Hmm.”_  Was his only reply.

Clearly, his mood was even worse than mine. I took a few steps to face him. I knew, that he doesn´t need any jokes right now, but a support. So, I took his hand and forced him to look at me.

 

 _“It will be okay. You will lead the formation. You will probably be the last one to join any battle so there is quite a good chance that you will make it to the basement without engaging in any combat. Moreover, your place and your main job is to be a leader a strategist, not a combatant. That´s Levi´s job.”_  I tried to reason with him.

 

“So, you believe that we will make it to the basement?” His asked.

 

 _No._  Was the answer I currently believed, but instead I made a reassuring smile.  _“Yes, we will.”_

 

 _“Liar.”_ He somehow always knew the truth.

 

 _“You promised me a dinner after that mission and you truly underestimate how much I want to go out with you. I will slay every titan in my way. So, don´t worry anymore.”_ I decided it´s time to lighten up the mood a little bit.

 

I expected him to come back with some witty remark but his reaction shocked me. Instead, he pulled me closer to his chest a kissed me. I would never in my wildest dreams expect him to do this, not after we agreed that we should keep things casual and friendly until the mission to take back wall Maria is finished. But of course, I didn´t protest this turn of events just one bit. After the kiss, the silence grew between us. We both knew that we are falling for this pretty hard.

 

 _“Should we head back?”_  He finally said.

 

 _“Yeah…”_  With that, we went back to the HQ.

\---

We never really talked about that afternoon afterwards. We also got quite busy with a success of the Titan's guillotine, because after that Erwin officially proposed the mission to retake Wall Maria. Lots of new recruits started to apply to join in Survey corps and that only meant more paperwork to fill. Besides tiresome hours spent in the office, me and Erwin both continued to train on 3DMG to at least skill up a little bit. The time now flew so fast that I didn´t even take a notice of passing weeks. Sometimes during that period of the time, I was caught by Lance corporal Levi while I was walking through the HQ. He pushed me into one of the empty rooms without any scruples, no need to say that I was pretty pissed off by his action.

 

 _“What do you think you are doing?”_  I said angrily.

 

 _“Shut up brat and listen.”_  He cut me off before I could continue my rant.

 

 _“Fine.”_  I closed my mouth and glared at him.

 

 _“I need you to talk Erwin out of this mission. I already tried to persuade him to stay behind, even threatened that I will break both of his legs, but he is deaf to my reasoning. I know there is something going on between you two and apart from if I approve of this or not you have his ear. I believe you would be able to talk him out of this.”_ He finished his request.

 

 _“No. I won´t do this. I´m sorry.”_  I apologized without looking at him. I got it. He wanted to keep his friend safe, but I made my mind about this a long time, I won´t try to force Erwin to stay behind.

 

 _“Do you really want him dead that badly?”_  He hissed.

 

_“Of course not, have a little faith in him for god´s sake! Furthermore, do you think that he would ever forgive me for stopping his dream come true? He wants to go and I will support his decision and I advise you to do the same.”_

 

With that, I went and angrily slammed the door behind me. I was officially fed up with all the people trying to interfere with my and Erwin´s life and our decisions.


	12. The truth conquers all

A/N - This chapter will contain spoilers from manga.

 

Only two more days were separating us from the mission to retake wall, Maria. Almost everything was already prepared so I had some free time… finally. I decided it would be best if I met my brother to settle our little dispute, it was bothering me that we weren´t talking so I stopped by his office in the early afternoon. I caught him on his lunch break so I thoughted it would be best to join him for a moment. More precisely I didn´t ask his permission, I just sat myself down.

 

 _“Are you still mad?”_  I asked as soon as I sat down.

 

He didn´t take his eyes off his plate.  _“I´m not angry anymore, but that doesn’t mean that I approve of your choices.”_

 

 _“Come on Nile, this can´t even qualify for my top 10 worst decisions ever.”_ I tried to make our conversation a little bit lighter.

 

 _“On the contrary, I think it´s in your top 3.”_ He surely wasn´t making this easier for me.

 

 _“I´m happy now, I´m looking forward to the mission. You don´t have to worry about me.”_ I tried again.

 

 _“Is HE making you happy? Do you love him?” _He inquired, finally taking his eyes off the plate and looking at me.

 

I remained silent for a moment.  _“We are leaving the day after tomorrow. I don´t want to leave, knowing that we are fighting.”_ I avoided his question, pretending he didn´t ask at all.

 

 _“I only care about your well-being, you know that. I will probably need more time to digest this. And I´m not talking about my lunch…”_  Finally, he was starting to warm up a little bit.

 

 _“How about we all go to grab a lunch after we come back?”_ I suggested.

 

 _“Do I have any other choice?”_  He sighed.

 

 _“You know that you don´t. I will have to go now; I still need to do some shopping. But I´m counting on you for that lunch.”_  I winked.

 

 _“Alright. Stay safe.”_  With that, he stood up to give me a quick hug.

 

 _“Say “hi” from me to Marie and the kids.”_  After that, we parted and I left the MP´s HQ.

 

\---

 

I went to buy some food and also a good bottle of a wine. With my purchase, I head back to the Survey corps HQ. I went to my room to leave the bags there and after that I went straight to Erwin´s office where I found him in his typical position, sitting behind the desk and going through some papers.

 

 _“Do you have some plans for afterwards?”_  I asked as I made myself comfortable on Erwin´s sofa.

 

 _“Nothing I know of… do you have something in mind?”_  He asked.

 

 _“As usual… I was thinking we could do another coup d´etat. I know I will be able to pull off something as sparkly as a crown.”_ I exclaimed. I knew that Erwin was already accustomed to my lame jokes, so I couldn´t help myself.

 

 _“You would probably become a tyrant. So, no coup d´etat for you.”_ He replied.

 

 _“Alright… but in all seriousness now. I was thinking we could go out today. Tomorrow won´t be a time.”_ I suggested.

 

 _“Fine. Give me another hour or so and I will be ready.”_  With that, he went back to his papers.

 

I just grunted in response and took a book from his shelf to amuse myself for the next hour. Erwin was precise as always because in exactly an hour he put down his work and stood up, stretching his legs and walking towards the spot I was sitting on. I returned the book to the shelf and I gestured him to follow me. We went to my room to grab the bags filled with the things I bought today and after that we continued to the stables, taking our horses. It was a short ride to the nearest wall. We took an elevator to get up on the top of the wall.  I knew this was a perfect spot for a small picnic. The view was great as was the food and wine I bought earlier today. We talked about everything, there were no more secrets between us. Erwin already told me everything, even about the serum, the truth about Eren´s father and his strategies for the upcoming mission… we never ran out of the topics to discuss. We could´ve probably spent weeks on top of the wall but we both knew that was not possible. So, after a few hours, we headed back to get a good night sleep.

 

\---

 

Next day was hectic. We needed to polish every detail and solve the last problems for the mission. In the evening, big dinner was served in the mess hall for everyone. Quite a lot of people stayed even after the meal was finished just to talk and laugh for a few more hours to ease the stress and anxiety from the upcoming expedition. I was sitting next to Erwin, listening to Hange making fun of Levi and Levi´s angry remarks that she is going to regret the day they met. I still wasn´t on a good term with Levi, so this kind of entertainment was very much to my liking. Of course, she sometimes poked some fun at me and Erwin too, but we mainly ignored it, sometimes I gave her a nice comeback. Around eleven o´clock Erwin ordered for everyone to go to their bedrooms to sleep well for the following day. I knew very well that he won´t apply this order to himself, he will probably spend the night reviewing all the plans, strategies and so on. So, I followed him back to his office to keep him a company. It was silent, yet weirdly comforting night. The next morning the mission was officially launched.

 

\---

 

It was quite surprising for a Survey corps to get such a big crowd to come and see them off before their departure. Even the other military officials came, so I got a chance to give my brother one last wink before we stormed out to the Titans' territory. The journey to Shiganshina was surprisingly calm. As soon as we arrived there Erwin ordered all soldiers to switch from horses to 3DMG. I was by Erwin´s side the whole time so I knew that a worried look slowly crept to his face. It was too easy, there wasn´t even any titans which could only mean one thing. The enemy knew that we were coming and they let us reach this point for a reason. Regardless of this, the whole mission proceeded as planned. Eren managed to seal the hole in the wall Maria. With that, my mind was slowly calming once again. Of course, that couldn´t last for a long, Erwin was soon informed about the signs that enemy was on the wall before us. He decided to entrust Armin with the investigation. After that the things only got worse, Reiner was found inside the wall and we soon spotted Beast titan followed by a small army of normal titans. They formed a perfect half-circle around the Shiganshina´s inner gate. Without any warning, the Beast Titan started to throw rocks on the inner gate, successfully trapping us on top of the wall. Our horses were on the side with titans and inside the district Armored titan change just moments ago. We were left without any escape route, cornered by enemy’s strategy. I watched Erwin anxiously, waiting for his reaction. His strategy was to open two fronts of the battle. One of the battles will take place inside the district and it will be waged against the Armored Titan, the second half of our forces will go to our horses and guard them against the Beast titan´s army. The last part of Erwin´s strategy was how to divert Armored titan´s focus from our horses to something else. That something else was Eren and, needless to say, it worked. Me and Erwin were now the last two people standing on the wall, the rest of the corps dispersed to their tasks. He was silently looking back at the direction of the Eren´s basement. It was so close; it would take just a few minutes for us to reach it.

 

 _“I know what you are thinking right now. And no, you shouldn´t, but I suspect you already know that.”_  I said.

 

 _“My whole life, I deceived all of my comrades. Encouraging them to give their hearts for the humanity. But I always had my own dream I dedicated my heart to. And I was willing to give up everything, to sacrifice everyone to reach it. But now…”_  He answered, still looking back.  

 

 _“Now, we need to cast our selfishness aside...if it´s just for a moment. There are so many young recruits, they are going to die out very fast. We cannot afford to lose this battle. Which front do you want to join?”_  I placed my hand on his shoulder.

 

Our little moment was interrupted by Armored titan´s roar. As a reply Beast titan took something that was placed by his side and flung it over the wall.

 

 _“Could it be… that Bertolt Hoover is inside that?”_  I asked as I watched a barrel fly over my head.

 

My suspicion was soon confirmed, as we witnessed a figure soar from the barrel. It took another few minutes before he changed into the Colossal Titan. We were forced to avert the gaze from the Colossal titan as we heard loud crashing sound from the opposite side of the wall. Just a moment ago the forces on that side of the wall faced the smaller titans that came with the Beast Titan, but that wasn´t all. Apparently, Beast titan´s strategy was to bombard Survey corps from the distance with huge pieces of rocks. Erwin launched down to their position immediately and I followed him without any question. We soon joined with the remaining forces and Erwin went straight to explaining the situation. Basically, we were herded here like a cattle waiting to be slaughtered. Namely, it was me, Erwin, Levi and Survey corps recruits. The said recruits started to panic. Me and Levi stood by Erwin´s side.

 

 _“Do you have any plan?”_  Levi asked the question that was on my mind too.

 

There was a moment of silence.

 

 _“No? In that case, you should use the recruits as a decoy and after that, you have to reach Eren and make an escape with him. I will go after the Beast Titan.”_ Levi continued.

 

 _“I will lead the decoy. We need someone to lead the recruits, they are scared shitless right now. They won´t see it through if someone is not there to oversee them.”_ I joined the conversation.

 

 _“You, brat? Are you sure you are not wetting your pants too?”_  Levi raised one of his eyebrows.

 

 _“Wanna check it, shrimp?”_  I shot back. We are on a suicidal train anyway. To my great surprise, Levi started to laugh.

 

 _“Alright. I think we have a plan.”_  He concluded. Now we both turned to Erwin.

 

 _“That would be one of the possible strategies, but I believe we also have a means to make a counter-attack.”_  Erwin finally spoke.

 

 _“What? I can´t see any.”_  I was confused.

 

 _“Then why are you standing here with that shitty look. Care to enlighten us?”_ Levi was clearly as confused as I was.

 

 _“Because my plan is for you, Levi, to engage Beast titan with an actual chance of succeeding. But in order to give you this advantage me and the recruits will have to sacrifice our lives.”_  Erwin finally shared his plan with us.

 

I noticed that he didn't include me in either of the parts of his strategy.

 

 _“What about me?”_  I asked.

 

 _“You can take the 3DMG and climb to the wall to join the forces inside the Shiganshina district. There must be someone who will inform them of our fate. If some twist of the fate makes them victorious, you can go and investigate the basement.”_  He avoided my gaze.

 

 _“Erwin… You see this plan has two major flaws. The first one - If any of the recruits see me leave, they will desert, trying to save their lives too. Hange spread some rumours about us, so if they knew that you ordered me to save myself, you won´t be able to motivate them to sacrifice their lives for you anymore. And your plan pretty much rides on their cooperation. The second one is, I once told you that every soldier has a chance to say “Fuck you commander.” and a chance to use their own free will if they ever think that your plan sucks. Well, fuck no Erwin. I´m not leaving, end of the discussion.”_ I never thoughted that I would be so brave in the face of such a deadly future.

 

 _“She´s right. You can´t let someone go if you want the rest to follow you to their deaths.”_  Levi agreed.

 

Erwin suddenly looked so tired. He went to the box that was lying on the ground and he sat on it.

 

 _“I just really wish we could go to the basement together.  The vision that one day I will be able to get all the answers I was looking for is what has driven me for all those years…. and I almost made it.”_ He exclaimed silently.

 

I watched as Levi lowered himself to his knees and looked straight in Erwin´s eyes.

 

 _“Alright. Give up your dream now, even though you are so close to fulfilling them. Give it up for a humanity, give it up for our fallen comrades. Lead our forces to their deaths and I promise you that I will take down the Beast Titan.”_ Levi´s promise was filled with a determination.

 

Erwin just nodded and smiled in response. Till this moment I was just standing on the side but now I made a step towards them.

 

 _“Levi? Would you mind to give us a minute alone?”_ I asked.

 

Without a word, he stood up back to his feet and was about to leave us, when I caught one of his arms.

 

 _“I need a favour corporal.”_  I stopped him in his tracks.

 

 _“Yeah, I heard that you are asking quite a lot of them brat.”_  He retorted.

 

 _“I need you to tell my brother about me… about me kicking the bucket. And I want you to lie to him about the circumstances. Tell him I made a rookie mistake, that I didn´t properly hook my 3DMG, that I made a wrong move… something like that. Made him believe that I died because of my own stupid mistake. I´m afraid that he might become bitter and angry with Survey corps if he knew the truth. And animosity between the two military branches won´t do any good for anyone right now.”_ I presented my request with a strangely detached voice.

 

 _“Are you sure?”_ He asked, unsure of my request.

 

 _“Yes. Thank you.”_  I was sure. 100%

 

 _“Alright.”_  He turned to leave but stopped in his steps suddenly.  _“And brat? I´m sorry about the interrogation. And about your leg.”_ Levi´s voice was strangely soft.

 

 _“Don´t worry about that shrimp. And good luck.”_ I told him instead of any farewells.

 

After that Levi left, so I went to Erwin. I was now standing above his sitting form. I took his head and placed it on my chest.

 

 _“We made a good decision.”_  I whispered.

 

 _“Do you think? Even though we won´t be able to go to that basement?”_  Erwin asked.

 

_“You know what? Someone else will go there and they will find out the truth. And they will share it with the rest of the humanity. My brother´s children will learn it in their school. Teachers like your father will pass it onto the next generation. Without you, they probably wouldn´t have the chance to do it. So even though you won´t know the truth yourself, you will enable others to learn about it. The truth will prevail in the end.”_

 

Of course, I was sad that we won´t be able to die knowing the answers. But I also believed in what I said and I hoped it will bring Erwin at least some comfort. After my monologue, he stood up and hugged me with his hand. He buried his face in my hair and whispered:  _“You always know what to say, don´t you?”_

 

\---

 

We stayed in that position for another minute, but after that, we went to the recruits. It was still Erwin´s duty to deliver the speech so persuasive that they will come with us, without a shroud of a doubt in their minds. I watched him as he swayed the hearts and minds of all the young men and women around me. I felt immensely proud. After the speech, Levi departed from our little group while the rest of us prepared ourselves and the horses. The plan was easy, we are supposed to shot signal flares in short time intervals while advancing, creating smoke walls, enabling Levi to approached Beast titan undetected, also keeping Beast titan focused on us that way. I mounted my horse and led it to Erwin´s left side. With his encouraging voice, he urged all of us to advance forward. Almost immediately after we fired the first round of the smoke signals we were showered by the rock the Beast Titan had thrown on us. With a complete horror, I watched as one of the rocks flew through Erwin´s side leaving a deep wound and killing his horse instantly. I didn´t have much time to think about Erwin falling to the ground because the rock that tore his side was now heading straight to my chest. My mind when completely blank as the huge piece of stone collided with my chest in a glorious direct hit. The force of the collision threw me off my horse and I landed on the debris, that was scattered all around us, with a loud crack. With a force of the momentum, the rock rolled off of my chest. I coughed, almost immediately feeling the copper taste in my mouth. I tried to sit but I wasn´t able to do that, so at least I wiped the blood from my lips. Even the breathing became strangely difficult, it was like the stone was still sitting on my chest. I looked around me and I saw Erwin scream at the recruits to continue the assault. He managed to pull himself to his feet, holding his bloody side. He looked around himself, only to spot me on the ground just a few meters away from him. I could saw his eyes widened in fear. His figure started to stumble towards me. As soon as he reached my side he dropped on the ground next to me. I saw his eyes inspecting my wounds. Unlike he, I didn´t have any major visible wounds so in the first moment I could see the relief written all over his face.

 

 _“(Y/N) you need to get up...”_  He instructed me.

 

 _“Erwin...”_  I tried to stop him.

 

_“Listen to me, you need to get up. Find some 3DMG and head for the wall. After that, you will wait there for the Levi and…”_

 

 _“Erwin…”_  I tried again.

 

 _“You might have a concussion, you need to move fast.”_ He finished.

 

 _“Erwin, listen to me for a god damn second.”_ That finally got his attention. _“Erwin, I can´t feel my legs. So, save your breath. I won´t be running out of this. I´m so sorry I will probably break my promise.”_ I was finally able to disclose my condition.

 

 _“What? No!”_  His face went completely blank.

 

 _“The stone which blew your side threw me off my horse and crushed me. I´m pretty positive that I broke my spine in the process and I probably have some internal injuries too. But you on the other hand – you can still move, you can make it to Levi and take the serum. You have to go.”_ I pressed my hand on his, which was still holding his wound.

 

 _“I´m losing blood too fast. I won´t be able to do it without a help. And it seems that there is no one to help us right now. I won´t leave you here.”_ He refused my plan.

 

 _“We will probably have to cancel our dinner plans for today…”_  I exclaimed with a smile.

 

 _“You won´t stop joking around, will you?”_  He asked as he sat to my side.

 

I laughed and with that, I coughed more blood. I knew that I was running out of the time pretty fast.

 

 _“Never. But promise me this, if there is another life after this, you will buy me that dinner. No matter what.”_ I felt no pain, probably because my body shut everything out already.

 

Instead of an answer, Erwin tried to take my hand in his, but I moved my hand away from his grasp.

 

 _“You have only one hand and that now belongs on your wound, soldier... I told you already, I´m not afraid of death… and for once I wasn´t lying.”_  Of course, I wanted to hold his hand…but not if it meant for him to bleed out here.  _“But how about a kiss, commander Handsome?”_

 

It was such a cliché, dying while kissing the love of your life. Yes... of a life, all the votes were counted… no future ahead, he won by the miles. These were the thoughts that were running through my mind while we kissed. Then another thought, related to this, struck me. As our lips parted I looked him in the eyes.

 

 _“Erwin, I want to hear it…you never told me… that you…”_  I never got to finish my sentence and I never got to hear what I wanted because my time ran out.

 

\---

 

I didn´t get the chance to see him, sitting next to my lifeless body, completely oblivious to his surroundings. I didn´t get the chance to see that one of the surviving soldiers went to his side, picked him up and dragged him back to the walls. I wasn´t able to witness the fight between Levi and Eren about whose life they should safe. I wasn´t there when Erwin drew his last ragged breath, surrounded by his friends, only a short distance from Eren´s basement. I couldn´t ask what he was thinking in his last moments. But if I could, he would tell me, that it was a memory of our little talk before he went to deliver the speech to the recruits. He was thinking, that I was right. That the truth conquers all.

 

\- THE END -

Or???;)

 

A/N If you managed to get to this point I would like to thank you for your patience. I know that the ending was not a happy one, but I couldn’t write it differently. If you have a moment, just write me a comment to tell me if there is anything you didn't ' t like or if you agree with this ending:).


	13. Omnia vincit amor

A/N Alright. I know that the original ending wasn´t a happy one and I still stand behind my decision to end it like that. But I planned a little sequel for all those who like a happy ending.

 

 _“Miss? Miss, please, wake up. We are preparing for landing.”_ Someone shook my shoulder.

 

When I opened my eyes, I saw stewardess, leaning over my seat with a slightly worried look. I shouldn´t have drunk the -welcome on the board- Champaign… Or the next five glasses I ordered right after that. What can I say? It has been a rough two weeks. I was finishing the book I was writing for the last five years. I was one of the leading experts on the Xia dynasty and I dedicated quite a large portion of my work-life to uncovering its secrets and all my efforts were now culminating in this publication. I was under a lot of pressure lately and the fact that I broke off my engagement to David two weeks ago wasn´t helping at all. I knew that I wasn´t the greatest fiancée in the world, I was always travelling around China and I almost never spend more than a month in our apartment in Hong Kong…, but if he wasn´t sure about marrying me, he could have spared both of us lot of trouble. And he would be free to have fun with all of his side chicks. What surprised me the most was that he managed to clear our apartment completely (except the things that were screwed to the floor) within a five days after I called the things off with him and went to Beijing. Yes, it was probably partially also my mistake for leaving the apartment with him inside, but when I caught him there with one of his liaisons I just needed to get out fast and as far as possible. The fact that the next day I had some appointments in Beijing only played in my advantage. I spent the whole five days there and when I came back to Hong Kong I only found white walls in our apartment – correction – my apartment. I spend next few days shopping for the necessities and threatening David via text messages (which he ignored, of course). I almost forgot that I already promised to give a lecture about the Xia dynasty on the Oxford University. It was a huge honour… And I completely forgot about it. I was planning to do some preparation on the plane but as soon as they offered me that damn Champaign I remembered the face of my ex-fiancée. Long story short, I hoped that I will somehow manage the lecture without any thorough preparation. I already gave countless presentations on the various conferences and workshops, but my audience usually consisted of experts on the history of China, other authors, enthusiasts and so on.

 

I thanked the stewardess and I fastened my seatbelt. The only great thing was that Oxford apparently sends one of their teachers to pick me up at the Heathrow airport and take me to the university. To be honest, they were more than generous. They paid for my airplane ticket, they send me someone to make sure I will make it to the university and they arranged my accommodation for the whole week, so I can also look around the city and the university.

 

The landing went smoothly and before I knew it I was looking for my name in the sea of the people holding the cards with names of incoming tourists and businessmen. I was surprised that I spotted it almost immediately. Maybe it was because the card with my name was held by a handsome tall blond man that really stood up from the crowd. Suddenly, I regretted that I at least didn´t brush my hair before stepping out of the plane. After 15+ hour journey, 5+ glasses of Champaign and almost 5+ days without a proper sleep I wasn´t in my best form. I slowly dragged my luggage towards the man.

 

 _“Ehm, excuse me. You are probably waiting for me.”_ I said to gain his attention.

 

He slowly looked at me with his perfect blue eyes.

 

 _“Miss (Y/N) Dok? It´s pleasure to meet you, my name is Erwin Smith. The university has sent me to pick you up.”_  After that, he stopped and scanned my face once more.  _“Have we ever met before?”_ He asked and extended his right hand for me to shake it.

 

I took his hand and shook it while I also examined his face once more. He looked slightly familiar. But I was pretty sure that I would remember those eyebrows.  _“Pleasure is on my side, Mr Smith. And as for your question. Although you look familiar I believe we were never officially introduced. Maybe I read one of your papers. Or maybe we saw each other at some conference.”_ I continued.

 

 _“So, are you interested in the second World War then? My area of interest is this conflict and most of my papers are related to that.”_ While he talked, he took my suitcase and gestured me to follow him.

 

 _“Well, I´m interested in history in general. My area of expertise is, of course, Xia dynasty. But I would guess that my knowledge of WW II. isn´t that bad either, given that my brother is obsessed with that era. During our childhood, I was forced to watch all of the historical movies and when we played, he always managed to make the game somehow related to it. Maybe it was him that send me one of your papers, his obsession didn´t fade until today.”_ I followed him through the airport.

 

 _“And you are now living in China?”_  He asked another, unrelated question.

 

 _“Yes, it was more than convenient while I was writing my book. But I broke off my engagement two weeks ago, the book is nearly finished … so nothing is holding me there anymore. I was thinking about relocating.”_ I answered truthfully.

 

 _“Oh, I´m sorry about the engagement.”_  He suddenly looked very nervous and unsure if he somehow upset me, when the conversation turned to that topic.

 

 _“Don´t be. He is a dick. I´m lucky that I found it out before the wedding. That would be a hell of an expensive mistake.”_  After that, I was thinking about asking him something to lighten up the mood a little bit.  _“Are you maybe somehow related to Cara Delevingne? You know… because of the eyebrows…”_ As soon as I said it I wanted to slap myself. What if this is his weak spot, he probably heard a fair share of eyebrow-jokes in his lifetime.

 

 _“Actually, yes. We are related.”_ To my great relief, he smiled.

 

I almost didn´t notice that we already exited the airport and now we were standing next to his car. He placed my suitcase in the trunk and opened the passenger’s door for me. Such a gentleman. I thanked him and sat down in the car. He soon placed himself behind the wheel and as he was preparing to start the engine, my stomach made the most disturbing noise in the world. For the first moment, I thoughted about blaming the airplanes above us, but I hid my face in my hands instead.

 

 _“Please, pretend that this didn´t happen. I´m so sorry. This is so embarrassing. I slept through the most of the flight so I missed the food.”_  I pleaded.

 

 _“You should have said that you are THAT hungry. Now I´m afraid that you will bite my arm off and eat it.”_  He laughed and for some unexplainable reason, I experienced something like a weirdest Déjà vu in my life.

 

 _“Please, don´t worry about that. I will go buy something after we arrive… or I will die from embarrassment in the next few minutes. One of those two.”_ I peeked at him through my fingers.

 

 _“Nonsense. I was assigned to take care of our guest. How about a dinner? I know a perfect place on the road.”_ He offered.

 

 _“Dinner? Alright, I feel like I´ve been waiting for a dinner the whole lifetimes…”_ I agreed.


End file.
